CASMINE Happy Idiot

2011-02-23T00:14:00.003+08:00

It's surprising sometimes, how the lack of care pulls your frown even deeper.

sometimes you just need someone to be there for you.

2011-02-21T18:09:00.004+08:00

Suddenly, I remembered a dream that I had numerous times as a kid.

Now Im older I realised that dream just simply about travelling and staying in a beautiful hotel.

I could still remember how gorgeous that room was.

Everything was in various shades of soft, pretty gold.

Luxurious bed and bathroom with a slight vintage touch.

But the main thing was the huge, ceiling to floor window.

If you draw open the heavy golden curtains, you can see the entire night landscape of the city, and a generous view of the starry night sky.

It isnt the beautiful natural landscapes like a sunflower field that I dream of now, but it's no less beautiful.

maybe someday I can live my dreams.

2011-01-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

im just disappointed.

please just let me recover.

2011-01-22T01:08:00.002+08:00

Something's wrong with me today.

It's been a bad day.

I overthink, I upset myself.

I see things in a bad light.

I dont see the good things.

I feel like I wont ever be good enough.

Maybe its because im ill, and its progressively getting worse.

There's a monster living in my throat.

But Im going to wake up tomorrow as the happy person I know myself to be.

2011-01-15T14:03:00.001+08:00

Often,

I dream of just sitting on the grass in a wide green field,

twirling flowers in my fingers

looking up at the clouds floating by..

and thinking of how beautiful life really is.

2011-01-10T00:28:00.003+08:00

Once, somebody said that Tumblr says what's in your heart.

And they were completely right.

* * *

I have school exceptionally early tomorrow, my hair is dripping wet, I have less than 6 hours to sleep and I have a blood red eye.

You take the eye away, and I wouldnt even grumble about the rest of the things.

I dont know why I must have some shit eyes.

Aside from being ugly, they also protest once in a while even though I feed them yummy eyedrops every other day.

I will willingly go to school even earlier than exceptionally early, wash my hair again and NOT towel dry and sacrifice all 6 hours of sleep just to have healthy eyes.

* * *

I feel dazed now, but I will not allow myself to think.

Back to tumblr.

There are things your mind cannot figure out sometimes, so if it's going to sink into your heart and darken it, stop trying.

2011-01-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

do you have any idea

HOW MUCH LIKE SHIT I FEEL RIGHT NOW?

ANY BLOODY IDEA AT ALL?

DO YOU KNOW WHATS SHIT?

I'LL TELL YOU WHATS SHIT.

SHIT IS SADNESS, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANGER, FRUSTRATION AND FATIGUE ALL MIXED IN ONE.

You think shit is just shit? I wish.

Trips to the Past

2010-12-30T03:43:00.003+08:00

Trips to the Past

When you are stupid, and take trips into the not so distant past thinking whatever happened in the past just wouldnt affect you anymore, you'll find that you're wrong.

You'll find yourself so revolting, that sickening person was actually you.

You'll experience such intense fear of waking up the next morning living nightmares that happened in the past.

Why was I that person?

Everybody makes mistakes, but I think I made more than average.

Im not saying Im right, but am I all wrong?

I am deeply disturbed when I think about it, and my mind is obsessing.

The possibility of the repetition of such emotions scares me shitless.

There's a part of me that hasnt recovered, that is still very afraid of going through what I have been through.

Let's just say im not at peace right now.

But I now also understand the gift of the present.

We are never to live in the past.

But when you take unexpected short trips into it, it can still be one hell of an unnerving experience.

Im lost in my thoughts, so excuse me, and goodnight.

I'll only be able to be fully honest with one who loves me enough to not judge me for anything.

Im not one to claim of being completely non-judgemental.

But when you love, you dont even have to try.

2010-12-13T18:18:00.002+08:00

I hate to believe it..

but sometimes it really seems, that one cant be too happy.

Because something will just come to balance it out.

I Hate Studying

2010-12-12T03:13:00.003+08:00

I Hate Studying

Seriously. It drains all hope out of me.

I am so tired and after knocking my head on a nearby wall twice and falling off the table I have given up and officially have 1 day left to study Econs.

After showering I feel slightly better but I need to sleep.

Currently I dont have any eyes.

Im only blogging because my hair refuses to dry.

Anyway, I was imagining stuff in the bathroom (again) and I got so happy!

It's related to my after-exam activities and I know this isnt an appropriate time to squeal in overexcitement but I cannot help it.

It's just a short 2 weeks (I think) but its going to be a happy 2 weeks! :D

Really need to organise my plans properly or else, considering my horrible habit of procrastination everything's going to flop and Im going to cry.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh happy :D

Cant wait for exam week to be over :D :D :D

I ate like a PIG today and Im not supposed to be hungry until maybe tomorrow afternoon but my hunger now is not imagined.

Its not a hunger pang at all because Im having gastric.

WTH?!??!?!?! Bloody over demanding stomach seriously!

Better go to bed before it gets bad.

GOODNIGHT :D

I love my darling! :D

Light Headed

2010-12-10T01:35:00.002+08:00

Light Headed

Wow! I just saw a strand of my hair fly off my head and land on my lappy's screen.

I decided to blog today because I need to organise the mess of thoughts in my head.

So maybe you wont understand this post because its going to be in casmine language.

Ok!

My project is done, my homework for tomorrow is done.

Tomorrow's client interview, and i just need to get that over and done with.

Copying notes tomorrow, and then doing the rest of by psychology quizzes BY TOMORROW.

The weekend will be spent mugging hard for tort law and econs.

And maybe icekimo eating my favourite ice cream waffle (its really good).

And then its exam week!

Which will pass by painfully but rather fast, I trust.

AND EXAMS END!!! AND I'VE GOT PLANS!

First and foremost I need to cut my hair.

Its becoming really unsightly.

I NEED TO.
THIS IS A NEED.

I have a feeling its going to be really short after I do it.. but better.

I REALLY HOPE HARD.

Hair, you have one week to grow as fast as you can.

DO IT, OR I'LL DYE YOU AND YOU DIE.

And then its my shopping day!!!!

I need to get a pretty dress for christmas :D

Yes dress.

And shoes definitely.

And bags DEFINITELY.

And underwear. And im not kidding stop laughing Im serious Im going to buy new underwear.

And also, I need to buy *some* stuff to make *something*.

Which I cannot disclose ahem.

And also buy *something*.

Which I also cannot disclose ahem.

And I need to make my cruise fund box asap because my pay has come! :D

Though its a measly $59.50, its a start!

And I also need to do other small things like pluck my brows again and moisturize my scaly legs and blah.

AND I also need to prepare and brainstorm on some day which I also also cannot disclose !

HAHAHA. And I also want to go to the zoo with dar during this short break :D

I love my awesome darling :D

Okay I dont know what else Im going to do already :D

I think that's about it, the main stuff anyway ! :D

Before I go, may i just add that I really HATE this horror movie commercial with the quietly haunting music. EVERY TIME IT COMES ON I NEVER LOOK AT IT EVER, but it freaks me out so badly I get violent shivers.

HOW CAN A COMMERCIAL DO THAT TO ME?

I hate the music i really do. T_T

Okay goodnight everybody :D

Shoutout to Darling : Muahhh! I wished today at 11:11 for good luck for your exam tomorrow! Jiayou dardar I love you so much ^^

2010-12-04T21:57:00.001+08:00

so upset, my heart could break.

In Loving Memory of My Inbox

2010-12-01T19:41:00.005+08:00

In Loving Memory of My Inbox

I dont think anybody really knows how utterly upset I am that my bloody idiot phone automatically deleted my whole inbox.

My inbox with messages from my darling I saved since dont know when.

I wasnt even half this upset when it deleted all my contacts... twice.

Im so devastated I can cry.

I didnt even get to read through them one last time.

Thinking of it breaks my heart, I miss my inbox.

It's not what I didn't feel, It's what I didn't show

2010-11-29T20:56:00.003+08:00

It's not what I didn't feel, It's what I didn't show

Hello!

Been quite long since I felt like blogging.

Weather's really nice and cold today I should shower and sleep early but no, Im still here sitting on my ass in the dress I wore to school.

Went shopping recently and was very very happy! :D
I WANT TO GO BACK .

I actually bought jeans Im really pleased with!
JEANS I CAN WEAR! With my weird hip and legs proportion all the jeans I try on shatter my self esteem but I found oneeeeeeeeee :)

And I bought shoes!
LIKE SHOES. Not slippers or flats or pumps but SHOES.
I dont have shoes!
Its blue with pink cherry/flower like thingys and its ultimate comfyness.

And several other things ^^
But I abit regret two things I bought. ):

school....

Mid terms are in two weeks its very scary ):

but christmas is soon! :D and dar's birthday is soon too, 20 year old boyboy.
He'll be 3 years older than me hehe.

Everything at school is popping up and its scaring me shitless.
Its like I go to school feeling all lighty and happy and when I reach school i discover a new deadline!

There was once I wanted to compile a list of things I need to do to myself (e.g. cut hair.. shopping, buy shoes, buy cardis, paint nails etc etc) , but before I could I realised I need to first make a list of things I need to chiong in school MAJOR FML.

Oh well I really need to cut my hair.
I hate it.
But its not long enough, if I chop now, I'll have short hair thats not long enough to cover my shoulders.
And I will just die of grief.

Its PMS time again.
And Im trying my hardest to not be affected!
Seriously, if my period wants to come, just come and leave my emotions alone.

I dont want my hormones to dictate my mood and cause unhappiness all around me!
The best thing to do is to keep your mood light, listen to happy songs, AND DO NOT THINK.
MOST IMPORTANT : DO NOT THINK.

At such times, every single thing that you think into will overcomplicate and affect you.

The only thing that you should think about is what you should eat.
THAT IS FOREVER HAPPY AND THATS GOOD! :D

Someone pushed you to the ground and you scrape your knee?
Eat a chocolate bar!

Someone calls you something you dont like (e.g. ahlian) ?
Make a mental note to have some cheesecake as dessert after dinner!

Someone gets mad at you for no reason?
Nothing much you can do about it actually, so have some cookies!

Someone ignores you?
Plan out dinner menu !

Someone steals your textbook/notes/whatever?
Plan out supper menu after dinner menu!

SKILLS OF A FOOD OPTIMIST!
( I will not take responsibility for your weight gain. I am suffering from it too )

Okay im just crapping!
Seriously, eating is not the way out to everything.

Not for me actually.
If you're like me, you wont be able to eat when you're unhappy.
Your throat locks up and theres an imaginary lump that just kills off your appetite entirely.

Im not the type of person who can binge eat when i am unhappy.

Eating is just a measure I take to prevent unhappiness before it comes (:
Its not a cure but a precautionary measure!

When things fail and you do feel down, even if you're the type who can binge-eat, you shouldnt anyway.
I dont believe it solves anything.

If its minor and you're just pmsing, just stop thinking.
I know, not as easy as it seems, but try anyway!
And smile because its hard to feel down when your face is smiling.

Why am I digressing anyway!

I hope I can always keep my mood bright :D

back to superficial things!!!

I wonder what I should wear tomorrow!
Should I wear my jeans just to break it in?

Should I wear rags?

Today is the start of a nice new week ( or so i hoped ) so i wore a new dress to start it off BUT somebody's lesson ruined it all! SO ANNOYING!!!

This is what caused me to think about wearing rags.

I cant explain the happiness of wearing something new on you (:
EVEN IF ITS ONLY SHOES.. or a new ring.

OH THAT REMINDS ME.

I have not bought my ridiculously priced ($17) disney bracelet from divaaaaaaa.
I dont know if I should ):
I mean, I love it but I dont want to spend that money.
And I dont know if its really worth it.. but its really pretty.

Ahhh~

Okay I am lazy to crap more (:
I've got work to do!

Found 1 microecons newspaper article!
ONE MORE TO GO ! :D

Go go go go meeeeeeeeeee! :D

AND JIAYOU TO EVERYONE!
Because everyone is fighting some kind of battle :D ( even if its just a should-i-buy-a-bracelet mental battle hehe )

* * *

It's funny how sometimes, people decide to do something, and do things in order for that something to be done, and then do other things that results in that something not being done.

hah.

Heavy Smiles

2010-11-19T23:57:00.004+08:00

Heavy Smiles

I despise myself sometimes.

To think I just posted a post on happiness?

Wasnt a good day today.

Best part besides having watched harry potter is probably sitting in a cold bus blasting horribly noisy, angry, I-wont-let-you-think songs in my ears at full volume.
Its strangely comforting.

I left home today solely for a 24minute lecture that proved to be more than unimportant: It was useless.

I think we're all naive to think that it'll be useful.

Like I was saying, I despise myself sometimes.

The most useless thing in the world are not 24minute lectures on nothing, it's being upset over things you cannot change.

That's not only useless, it's stupid, and I've acknowledged that long ago but still feel down anyway.

You know what's stupider?

The fact that those things are SO minor, minor is an understatement.
Like they say, words cant hurt you. Its only when the person saying that means something to you.
( saw that on tumblr again i love tumblr )

The fifth golden rule to happiness is so, so hard.

Being down.. it's draining.
Im so tired after I came home.

Im so obnoxious.

enough is enough.

Heavy smiles are tiring.

Not that I dont feel better.
Soon enough, I'll be good as new.
As always (:

Oh oh, and I actually found a term for "green pumpkin" (on tumblr).
Its called hypophrenia.

For Happiness

2010-11-18T21:30:00.002+08:00

For Happiness

I really just want to be happy.

I see being happy as a kind of special power.
It's like being bestowed with the ability to spread around the happy virus.
Yawns and flus are contagious, and I believe, so is happiness.

I abuse the word "Happy" .
Even if Im drafting a practice legal letter and have to make up my own address I put it as "Happy road".

Such a simple word, such a little thing, and it's what everybody needs.

People do nice things when they're happy.
Imagine a day when everybody around you is happy.
How nice would that be?
Never fading smiles and continuous jolly laughter.

When Im happy, even the sky seems brighter.
Storm clouds can rain directly above my head and it couldnt wash my smiles away.
Things can go wrong, but it wouldnt take me long to fix it up when Im jolly, and then Im all smiles again.

I wish I can be that way everyday.
But everyone has bad days, dont they ):

I love tumblr, but I currently still dont really know how to start my own.
I saw on it the 5 golden rules of Happiness :

1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

(:

I like to think that I am generally a happyhappy person, albeit childish and weird (at times! I can be mature too) .

I dont know the objective of this post, but I'll like to post something about happiness since all I blog about is the act-profound stuff when I am in that philosopher-mood.

I wish I didnt have mood swings, and my happy days dont go away forever.

I wish that sometimes I wont get affected by little stupid things, and can keep smiling genuinely.

I just wish to be always happy.

I have a lot to be happy for, most people do (:
It's when you start thinking about the lovely things you have that you truly feel how lucky you are, and that being unhappy is just silly.

Smile, laugh, watch the stars come into your eyes (:

All That Used To Be

2010-11-11T22:45:00.003+08:00

(:

Sometimes you get thinking when you have time to yourself.
Or when you're feeling like the only person in the world.

And sometimes you miss the little things that used to be.
Those little things that only belong in memories now.

Small things that might not seem to matter sometimes, funnily enough, matters the most.

Change is imminent.
Knowledge of that fact doesnt stop people from missing what was before the said change.

Take extra care to not neglect or overlook.
People always say, dont take for granted what you have, especially what you love.
We've been hearing that for years but when do we actually understand that?

Just random musings. (:

* * *

School days are passing quite fast, which is great.
Things that were bothering me are looking up too.

Which just proves it again that when you look at things in a brighter mood, they magically turn better.

Lots to do, lots I want to do, lots to say..
Just too weary.

So goodnight (:
I hope you'll be always, always happy.

MUNNEH

2010-11-06T17:12:00.001+08:00

MUNNEH

I am dead.

Everything in the world needs money.

Which I dont have. Hoho.

I was about to make a list, a budget checklist you might say, but I skimmed over it in my head and its too depressing so I decided not to and take things as it goes.

RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-03T23:49:00.004+08:00

Someday, somehow

You'll find somebody

Who'll step into your heart and never leave

Who'll step into your life and stay forever

Who'll melt away your frowns with a smile

Who'll make you feel like the most precious thing on earth

Who'll make you feel as if no words can ever describe how much love you have for him

Have you found that somebody?

2010-11-03T23:24:00.004+08:00

Anybody who reads this blog and doesnt know me will think Im the biggest pessimist and whiner in the world, forever feeling sorry for herself and feeling like a sad pile of shit.

But they dont know me so its okay.

But sometimes thats exactly what I am.

Sometimes I am that pessimistic whiner, sometimes I get that I-pity-myself phase, sometimes I am exactly that sad pile of shit.

Nothing except my own hormones are bothering me right now.

But whatever's bothering me is making me very mad at the whole world.

Ah, these are the times I wish im a boy.

I also wish I didnt have to wake up at 6am tomorrow.

I am so tired.

Start of Something Awful

2010-11-01T00:32:00.003+08:00

Start of Something Awful

TOMORROW.

IS THE START OF SOMETHING AWFUL CALLED SCHOOL.

The first week of school is NOTHING.

I think tomorrow marks the start of the real shit, and from here on it gets increasingly harder and harder to be happy.

But I will be! (ihope)

Im really scared actually. Im not doing my econs tutorial, and thats not a very good start.

Ohwell . Better go blowdry my hair and go to bed. At least I've packed my (sibei heavy) bag! :D

Goodnight:D

Shoutout to my darling who kidnapped my strawberry necklace: I love you! :D

Dar :D

2010-10-28T00:02:00.003+08:00

Dar :D

Hahaha im just going to title my post as Dar :D

Today is a gooood day!

Actually the first week of school is really just good.
You attend only a few classes and everything and theres no homework or whatever.

From week 2 then the shit starts so Im going to enjoy it while I can.

Like today! Theres only microecons (which is HORRIBLE btw ) lecture which Dar kind of crashed.
Hehehe.

Then the rest of the day is awesome because Im with Dar :D

I ATE A LOT A LOT A LOT TODAY.
DIE. Im going to gain back all the weight NOOOOOOOO casmine yeo you must not do this to yourself!!!

Today is just the exception.
Maybe I just got too happy when Dar is around and hence appetite increased thousandfold.

Dar and my happiness is directly related.
:D

I got home with a tummyache.
If its the kind that a visit to the toilet can settle then its okay BUT ITS NOT!!!
): But it subsided now so Im not going to think about it .

Then my voice got very manly out of nowhere.
And I can just FEEL that cough coming on.
Coughs are really the worst of the worst for me.

Grumbled to my mum in my raspy manly voice and she made this magic cough potion tea for me.
I drank a big cup and ate two magic bad tasting pieces of dunnowhat and I REALLY HOPE THAT IT PREVENTS THE COUGH.

I REALLY DONT WANT TO FALL SICK.
Coughs make your breath smell bad, and make you breathless whenever you move, and hurts so much its like coughing up blood.
And im soooooooo cold now but I took my temperature and thank goodness im not feverish .

Ahhh going to shower now and quickly dry my hair and sleep earlier and dream happy dreams im so tired.

OH AND TWAINAI IS GOING TO PROMOTE! Im sure of it! 51/65 for maths she is mad mad mad one. But pro anyway jiayou!

Okay goodnight!!

Was soooooo sad to wave byebye to dardar today.
I love you Dar :D

Day One

2010-10-25T20:42:00.002+08:00

Day One

I might not be smart, but sometimes people do things that makes you REALLY want to throw a shoe at them and scream "YOU IDIOT!" in their faces.

But if you want to stay cute (LOL) you can't.

Restrain is quite a tough skill to acquire I see.

* * *

The first day of school might just be the best day of school all semester.

I went to school today, complete with a ribbon, to find out there's only 1 hour of lecture.

Actually 2, but Im not wasting my life and waiting 3 hours for 1 hour of lecture.

Skipping a lecture on the first day of school? A great start to a whole new sem!

Tomorrow's afternoon class so I can get more sleep.
Then 6 whole hours without a break.

Oh well.

Not in the best of moods right now.

Maybe I should drink more water?
According to my mother, the lack of water and sleep is the cause of all the bad things in the world.

How Much Shit Can You Take?

2010-10-23T13:00:00.003+08:00

How Much Shit Can You Take?

Okay Im going to break it down myself and view school optimistically.

So how long exactly do I have to battle disgusting semester 2?
Ohhhhhhh thinking about the projects and whatnot makes me nauseous.

So it starts on 25Oct to 17 December.
Which is 54 days, around 2 months.

Not too long if you think about it.
Its just like working at Cedele! Except that at Cedele, you have to face 6 full days of work.
With no weekends to look forward to since your day off can be anyday.
And you dread every weekend because of the crowds!
(but you have money but still..)
Cheer up, me.

Then its the mid sem tests! And we should look forward to mid sems because of the break afterward ;)

Mid sems are from 13Dec to 17 Dec.
Short short time ^^

AND THEN BREAK!!!!!!!

CHRISRMAS BREAK~~~~~!!!!!!!!

18 Dec to 2 January.
Dar's birthday is my last day of holidays LOL abit sucky.

And then school starts again.

From 3 Jan to 18 Feb.
Which is 47 days.
Not too long either if you think about it ^^

Then study break!!!! (Which is actually KINDA like holidays already because exams are just that few days isnt it?)

19Feb to 24Feb is when you must hit the books damn hard and make sure the papers dont kill you.

I dont know when MY papers will end, but all papers end on 11March.
Im hoping mine ends earlier of course.

Vacation officially starts from 12 March to 24 April WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!

THE END!

I CAN DO IT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THE TOUGHIE!

2010-10-23T03:08:00.004+08:00

My timetable is someone's idea of a sick joke.

The sickest.

Ever since I saw the whole thing I lost all hope.

Im still so numb in shock and despair I cant rant.

That's rare.

Update-

Went to check Academic Calender and got rather motivated and cheered up a little.

Weak Heart

2010-10-21T02:20:00.002+08:00

Weak Heart

Just another sad old rant regarding school and perhaps a little gushing about how much I love my dar and everything.

* * *

Oh and before I start I went to Ajisen with Twainai today and Gua may call me lame for being excited over Ajisen but still I love Ajisen.
Each bite is xingfuness. Or maybe I just missed ramen a little too much.

MOF macha sundae is love too :D

* * *

Now is the time I feel very stupid for not signing up for the sms service.

I dont know what stupid TP is up to but until now there's no official release of next sem's timetable.

But looking at the first two days I presume with confidence we're all going perish in the hands of TP.

Monday starts at 9, with a stupid until cannot stupid 3hour break (WTH DO WE DO? DUMBSHIT LEH) and ends at *clapclap* 6 .

Which destroyed my hopes of making my fruity crepe in a cute lunchbox to surprise dar for our third month, which falls on Monday unfortunately fml.

I was so sad ):

But I'll still surprise him some other day.

Our third month will probably be celebrated with a sweet text. *heartbreak*

Tuesday starts at like 1 and ends at 6.

If you ask me I'd much rather start early and end early.

OH AND NO BREAK.
ISNT THAT GREAT.
One day with too much break and another day without.

Oh and CDS and everything.

One fear: Being all alone.

I think I'll probably be all alone and lonerish and sad and pathetic.

And best of all I dont even know my CDS because nothing is released.

I am imagining the worst.
I cannot think what the rest of my timetable looks like and how my sem is going to be.

Or rather, how I am going to survive this sem when I barely did last sem.
And last sem is just absolute heaven in comparison Im pretty sure.

Sigh.
Why am I hungry again.

I have great motivation but I still feel VERY fearful.
If you've seen my face when school is mentioned you'll know.
Its like being tossed into a pit of depression and negativity.

I honestly dont think there's any way to be positive about school.

And its already like THURSDAY.

ohgoddddddddddddddddd.

Now all I can do is wait for the whole timetable and try to curb my deep fear and disgust.

All hopes of working at an ice cream shop is utterly destroyed by the way.
Might just die, wth why am i so weak.

Okay enough.
I think I will have to quickly dry my hair and sleep because Im really getting very hungry.
WTH IS MY BIG APPETITE COMING BACK? PLEASE DONT!!!

* * *

Days of not having ANYTHING to do and being bored out of my wits, Im going to miss you.
Even though on those days I really think too much and emo sometimes.

Well goodnight ^^

Looking forward to food tomorrow, really very hungry.

Shoutout to Dar : I love you :D

Melty Chocolate Cookies and Fruity Crepes

2010-10-20T01:01:00.002+08:00

Melty Chocolate Cookies and Fruity Crepes

Im starting to suddenly like blogging all over again for a reason I dont know.

Not pictures, unless I took a very satisfactory picture of myself or something.

Maybe I just have too much verbal vomit and I still need somewhere to vomit into.

Well you cant keep verbal vomitting to human beings, one day they'll hate you.
So blogs FTW.

My sleeping early plan in preparation for school started on Sunday and failed on Tuesday.
Today is technically Wednesday, 20102010, 1AM.

And Im blogging.
WTH, FAIL MAX.
Most of the things I do, I fail.
If I ever go crazy and decide to get a tattoo I'll probably tattoo a fail somewhere.

Hahahah nonsense actually.
No doubt I'll be the usual sissy I am and tattoo a heart.

Yesterday was a nice day because I met Dar!
Any day with Dar is a nice day.

And we both went to eat ban mian at his school.
He attempted murder by adding a lot of chilli.

ALL DAY LONG HE CARRIED THE HELLO KITTY BAG HAHAHA.
SO CUTE.
Im as tall as 5 apples.

Dar bought me a pinky bunny hat yesterday I've been eyeing since prehistoric times and its so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Next time he also must wear.
But dont be mistaken my dar is still very man one even with a pink bunny hat ok? HAHAHAH!!!

And he saw me fringeless in real life for the first time wth.
I dont know what I was thinking when I whipped all my hair away with skin as bad as an infested papaya.

But dar says Im pretty anyway.
He says Im pretty no matter how I look HAHAHAH sometimes really cannot believe one.
Like when I wear specs bare faced with thinning disgusting hair that the wind played with.
Look like freak he also say pretty.

Sigh what to do?
I have the sweetest dar in the world and I am so xingfu :D

SPEAKING OF HAIR.

I AM SERIOUSLY HATING MY HAIR.
The stylist ruined my life the moment he started to layer it.

I have a big fat urge to go to a salon and ask them to FREAKING GET RID OF THE QIAOS.
The qiaos = the ends that go everywhere and look disgusting.

But then i'll have all my hair snipped off.
And end up with a bob.

T_T Please hair please grow.

I will go cut my hair again in my usual way the moment I realise its long enough I promise myself this.
I dont know what he did, but the colour lightened. And the hair cui-ed.

Horses will mistake my hair for hay and eat it .

Sigh nobody has any idea how upset I get when I sit down to tame my hair.

Today wasnt a very terrific day but I finally went to the library after so long.
AND BORROWED RECIPE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!! :D

When I read recipe books I have images floating in my head.
Bright, happy images of cute lunchboxes with cute food inside with cute colourful cutlery..
Images of a pretty table with flowers and a homely lunch for two..
Images of an overflowing picnic basket blah blah blah.

Then Im happy for the rest of the day provided nobody makes me sad.

And also resisted instant noodles today!!!

DAR EVEN ALLOWED IT.
AND I STILL RESISTED IT.
awesome!
I dont know why my hair is still dropping like free.

School is really starting.
But now I have motivation to survive the long tedious semester I dont feel so traumatised anymore.

Plus dar says he'll come see me so I wont die.
Everytime about to die then he come then dont die then repeat cycle. HAHAHAHA ok dar? ok?

Still feel like working at an ice cream shop though!
ITS SO CUTE! LIKE IN IDOL DRAMAS.
I live for idol dramas. They give me hope.

Even though I still cannot scoop ice cream properly.
I know right which loser dont know how to scoop ice cream but I really dont know.
Nobody would want to eat ice cream that I scooped because it's so ugly.

Stupid timetable would you just come out asap and let me know if I can work?

RAMEN TOMORROW!
HAPPY! I dont know why I crave ramen so much suddenly but I do :D

I love mee.
Mee of all kinds.
In particular now in my head I crave ramen and cedele's mushroom aglio olio.
MEE FTW.

But control , casmine yeo please control.
Hao bu rong yi cai slim down a bit!

You know what motivates me?
Imagining that I am alot fatter than my dar and he cannot hug me anymore because I suffocate him.
Very scary and great motivation :D

Okay 1.30!
I just blogged a whole lot of words just for fun wth.
Bullshitting ftw!

GOODNIGHT:D
And I love my dar very super much I also dont know how much because too much.

Wth really crappy today hehe.

2010-10-19T13:43:00.003+08:00

"女生，要的只是一个眼中只有她，永远把她摆在第一顺位的人。"

(:

We Forget Sometimes

2010-10-17T19:47:00.002+08:00

We Forget Sometimes

We forget ourselves.

But the thing is, after you forget and when you remember, things are clearer.

And you, happier!

(:

* * *

Today is Sunday!

And then I looked at the date and realised school starts in 1 week.

And I thought I had 2 weeks! And STILL grumbled!

It was a big slap to the face to discover that its only one week away!

But its okay ^^ Although having to go through the stuff I went through in school all over again before the next holiday is truly depressing, I am tough so I can take it :D

I am tough ^^

I think its been some time since I said that. (:

Anyway!

Im going to bake ^^ Learn to!

And I'll have to trouble my ahyi a lot if I get addicted to baking ^^

Although cooped up in her little kitchen you'll sweat and be smelly but in the end its all worth the hassle ^^
I like baking.

* * *

Sometimes, you just need to take a very deep breath and look out the window.

And you realise that actually, you do have a lot to be happy about.

So everyone push up the corners of your mouths! :D

You Would, If You Had The Heart To

2010-10-15T22:02:00.003+08:00

You Would, If You Had The Heart To

I like to think I can do almost anything if I set my mind and heart to it.

You would, and you could, if you have the heart to.

* * *

The bubble I live in has popped, or isn't as powerful anymore.

I read this off lovegivesmehope:

"Many would say the most beautiful thing about a relationship is the start of it. But I think the most beautiful part is knowing that it would never end."

Anyone would agree, there's something very risky about giving your heart away and leaving it in the care of somebody else.

But we do it anyway.

Because it's special,
Because it's magic.

To love and be loved, it's the greatest happiness.

* * *

Update-

有些事，是我们无能改变，或是根本不变的。

有时候，这些事难免会让人难过，让人不快乐。

可是很遗憾的，对于这些让你困扰的事，你往往什么都不能做。
也不该强求别人为了你而改变。

唯一能变的，唯一你有控制的，就是自己。

事不变，那就让你对那事的感觉改变吧。
与其去想要他人为你而变，不如就自己变。

与其对于不变的事物而不快乐，不如向自己努力，改变想法，开心点呢？

这样的看法，对或错，我不懂。

这样会不会把心憋得很苦呢？

可是，就是有这样的人。

如果一定要有一个人不开心，
会选择不去应付别人的不快乐，因为要应付自己的不适，容易多了。

最终，其实希望的，只是大家都快乐吧。

唉！

有太多时间跟自己相处，头脑好像会失控而操劳。
没事想些有的没的。
我觉得我的脑比我还要更无聊。

天啊。

好啦，晚安，要记得快乐哦。

Of Love, Sweethearts, & Sourhearts

2010-10-15T00:59:00.011+08:00

Of Love, Sweethearts & Sourhearts

Im happy tonight.

If somebody were to ask me what love is to me, I wouldnt have a profound, definite answer of what it means.

I'll probably only be able to say that love is what I feel for my sweetheart, and what I have with my sweetheart.

Because winnie the pooh says Love is something that can only be felt, so what's the point of trying to define it anyway?

* * *

I might be happy, and I might have a lovely title but it might not necessarily mean that this is a very happy post.

I'll say, being in love makes a non-thinker think.

And I really wonder how many people out there get upset to my extent over what is past and unimportant, like ex-girlfriends.

I posted on my facebook status.

I try very hard to be the good person, but I end up as the bad person anyway.
Why cant I hold up the act?

Because it's an act, thats why.

There was a period of time when I thought and mentally spoke to myself before bedtime.

I told myself to grow up.
To firstly halt all the stupid jealousy, then to see the good in everything, then to have love for everything.
Basically just to be accepting and cease all that narrow mindedness.

I call it the Angelic Girlfriend Mode, and I told Twainai all about it.

All I can say for myself is that I am not anywhere near angelic.

Doesnt disliking a good person who has never done anything to you make you a horrible nutcase?

Yes it does.

Can people not judge me for that?
I dont like how I feel either.

When she comes into my thoughts I just cannot smile for a while and my eyes go dead.
She may be a good person, but I cant like her.
Perhaps its because shes a total stranger to me.

I told myself to have love even for ex-girlfriends.
But I overestimated my heart.

And when my sweetheart talks about her it's somewhat like a punch to my stomach and I deflate.

Believe me when I say I tried to stop being horrible.

I ranted in the bus today and I am ashamed.

I dont know what to say for myself.
Im typing this chunk because I feel like getting it out, everything at once (and also because Im ashamed of my rant earlier)

There are times when I actually want to talk about her. Dont ask me why, just curious maybe.
But now Im quite sure I never want to talk or hear anything her-related again.
And that's really freaking selfish.

Ask me what Im jealous about, because its all IN THE PAST.
And I HAVE NO ANSWER. It doesnt make a difference that its in the past.

I AM JUST.. uncomfortable to the point of unhappiness.

T_T why is it so hard to imitate the likes of an angel?

Darling, Im sorry for failing at Angelic Girlfriend Mode and failing even at imitating an angel.
Sorry that im narrow minded and unaccepting, for that random outburst of unhappiness and the sian-ness afterward.
Sorry Im such a weird horrible person with something against a good person who is, additionally, a stranger to me.

The bottom line stays..

I really, really dont like her.

But I decided that I will work on it.
I will suppress it and try to be neutral at least! (:

And with that i have released all my word vomit..
And I dont know whether to publish this post for fear my sweetheart will realise hes dating a monster ):

* * *

On a happier note, I got ideas during my shower again.

Maybe I can even start new, short proposals to work on! (:

Okay, ending the post.
Maybe I should change my blogskin too, I dreamt of changing my blogskin hahahaha.

And the blog font in my dream is Ciscolight! HAHAHA.

All in all, today is still a happy day.
Because today I got to see Dar and so its Dar-Day.
And he makes me happy.

Okay goodnight, should probably post before I change my mind :x

AND START MY NEW HAPPY PROPOSALS!!!!!

A B C D E F G

2010-10-08T18:45:00.006+08:00

A B C D E F G

Hahaha I should shut down my blog.

Such a sad little space and probably only the stupid bots visit, and they still tag me trying to pretend to be human.

Anyway I have nothing to blog, firstly because I dont have much of a life.
Secondly because I just dont feel like it anymore (even if I have a life ) .

Yesterday my mum told me I talk too much and is too noisy when Im overexcited.

And often I dont remember all the rubbish i spout during my moments of hyperactivity.

If I remember I'll probably regret my bigmouth-ness and want to die.

My point is just to tell myself to watch my mouth because I have this feeling its growing bigger wth.

Yesterday night was freaky.

I went to bed in the morning feeling like a normal person with very very sore legs.

Dont know where all that soreness came from but I didnt care until they started shaking like they're having fits.

In short its uncontrollable shaking and sudden chills.

You know something is super wrong when you're wrapping yourself up and curling into a ball shaking like dunnowhat in our disgusting weather.

ITS VERY SCARY. I googled my symptoms and got nothing because the people online sweat like pigs too and I didnt.

The shaking went from my legs to everywhere and it was terrible.

Its the feeling of getting out from a pool on a windy cold day.
When you cannot help your teeth violently chattering.

Obviously then I couldnt get to sleep and went to the living room to curl up in a corner.

I had the irrational fear that those violent shivers will stop my heart or something.

After a long long while, it went away.

GOOD RIDDANCE I HOPE IT NEVER COMES BACK WTH IS THAT ANYWAY FML.

AND ABRUPTLY I DONT FEEL LIKE BLOGGING ANYMORE HAHAH BYE

I WANT ~~BUBBLE TEA~~ PAPAYA SOY MILK

...

I dont like how.. when Im pissed about something I obsess about it and all I want to do is keep talking about it and vent it until I've got nothing left to say.
Sometimes I cannot seem to just let it fade off, and that's a disgusting habit and i hate it.

I do like, though, how being upset in turn upsets my appetite and all food revolts me.

2010-09-27T02:09:00.002+08:00

FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY FACE IS BREAKING OUT LIKE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To Anticipate

2010-09-16T19:41:00.004+08:00

To Anticipate

Over the years I have found Anticipation to be a very important thing indeed.

What exactly is it, is anticipation classified under emotions?

I dont know.

But I know that without anticipation, I am not far from being a zombie.

When I was in secondary school, stuck in that shit of a place, bombed with the horrors of maths and science, finding something to look forward to made my school days go by more easily.

I anticipated friday evenings, in front of the computer till the late night with the whole fat weekend in front of me.

I anticipated shopping trips on saturdays, and whatever.

Those were the days.

In anticipation, the thought of whatever you're looking forward to would bring at the very least a smile.
I dont know about you, but it can fill my day up with hopeful joy.

Having something to look forward to is essential.

* * *

I dont really know why I typed the whole chunk of stuff about anticipation.

I guess Im just feeling rather empty and dead right now.

Its quite a similar feeling to having nothing to look forward to.

Like a zombie.

Its my holidays now, I should be as happy as a .. bird.

I want to work, but yet I dont want to work.

I've been contradicting myself for all 17 years of my life and I've shown no signs of stopping anytime soon.

I want to work, because I need something to do with myself.
Yesterday I ran out of things to do on the net, sat on the floor, looked around and really realised that I have absolutely NOTHING at all to do.

I say I bask in boredom and I find bliss in boredom.
Im not so sure that's true anymore, though it might be the case when Im feeling lazy.

It's that moment I felt lifeless.

At the same time, I am a commitment phobe.

Not the kind of commitment phobe that they say many men are, but a job commitment phobe.

To me, its a dreadful feeling.
Its terrible.

After the usually exciting first few days of work it starts to get routine.

You wake up in the morning on a weekday and realise you need to get to work, and you just die on the inside.

I cannot put in words how horrible the feeling is.
When you need to get your ass somewhere you dont want to be.

But you got yourself into it, so you have no choice.

I dont want to have to say "sorry, but I have to work" when somebody asks me out for fun.
That is another awful feeling I cannot describe.

And that is why I say I want to work, but I dont want to work.

I want to have something to do, but I dont want to commit.

I dont know what I want and I dont know what to do with myself.

What is this?

* * *

After sitting down and thinking calmly through it I have decided : heck it.

Why am I thinking so much? This isnt like me.
Maybe its a side effect of that weird bubble tea.

True that I cannot ignore that zombie feeling of mine, but I usually just eat something and get on with my days (except Im on diet now, ahem.)

So yes, forget it, screw it, heck it.

Im the happyable, god damn it, why is my blog filled with weird-sad posts?!??!?!

And on this note, this post comes to an abrupt end.

Dreamless Sleep

2010-09-15T02:18:00.003+08:00

Dreamless Sleep

Sometimes I look at this space wanting to type something but not knowing where to start off.

Well, I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP PROPERLY.

For some reason I lost the ability to fall asleep within 5 minutes.
I wake up before alarms and toss and turn fifty thousand times before I fall into a slight slumber.
NOT A DEEP SLEEP.

And in that slight slumber, I even have dreams.
BAD dreams.
Which means my brain never rested at all.

Even a brain that doesnt work very much needs rest.

Dont know what is wrong with me seriously.
Its not like I am unhappy, I am super happy.

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you ask me, I honestly dont know how I did.

I did what I could do (wth, sound like what doctors say to family members after the unfortunate patient dies) .

And so I just really hope VERY hard I dont have to take the supp papers.
Actually, I dont even know what SUPP means. Or whether its spelt as SUPP at all.
But whatever!

I want to lose weight!!!!!!!!!! I will! :D

Today is super wonderful because I spent it with the person I loveeeeeeee :D
heheheheheheehehehehehe x1000.

And bought new bb cream too!

Holidays now hehehehehe x100000000000.

I feel like I need to find something to do, and I think I really need to find something to do.
I cant just laze around and waste my days away and then wonder where my holidays went.

My mum had better find some work for me :D

Seriously I dont really know what I am talking about Im just blindly typing.

My skin has gotten really horrible.

Eye circles horrible as usual, and the eye masks I ordered is taking like a gazillion years to cap.

And my hair, oh my hair, OHMYGOD MY HAIR.

Need to cut it, going to cut it, dunno when, but its fine, I will.

And along with that I repeat : Im going to lose weight.

...

I feel weird, not mood-wise, physically.

My throat is on fire.

AND MY FACE IS ITCHY FML.
I GOT WASH FACE OK.

ok i dont know what to say i dont even know why i blogged.

Having hiccups now! Wth?

OK GOODNIGHT, I didnt realise how terribly tired I am.

Monthsary Love

2010-09-09T04:04:00.002+08:00

Monthsary Love

... & on my 302th post, I had such a wonderful memorable happy day.

Many hearts for the person I so love.

You Make My Heart Flutter

2010-09-07T13:48:00.003+08:00

You Make My Heart Flutter

Just had a very good and nutritious brunch and it'll last me through the day.

Also drank a lot of water so Im a healthy person :D

* * *

Yesterday night was freaking cold.

Supposed to be studying but no, I stayed online and thought about stuff.

I dont even know what I thought about, but it was nothing sad nothing too happy either.

Just felt rather tranquil.

Im happy, even now when Im going off to study for econs.
And that's why I dont really blog when Im happy.
I dont know what to say except for Im happy im happy im happy.

Whereas when you're sad, there's lots of pointless things to say like my world is crumbling on me and reality is exploding in my face etc etc ..

Well.

I dont know what to say.

It's like there's this.. whirlpool of random thoughts swirling in me but I dont exactly know what it is, neither do I want to talk about it.

Not that it's anything bad, but i dont know!

Sometimes its just best to stay quiet and let your mind wander.

Other times.. it's just best to stay quiet.

300th

2010-09-05T22:48:00.002+08:00

300th

My 300th post.

I declare that I dont like 300.

Just making a note of the most horrible day.

Im glad today's ending.
Even though tomorrow is just freaky.

When you're sad, the taste of food is just disgusting.

I dont know the science that explains this, but it is.
I ate practically nothing today, and that's the only thing that Im kind of pleased about.

I think something is horribly wrong with me.

Me, what a horrible person to be.

2010-09-04T02:39:00.003+08:00

I went offline and came online again.

Feel like shit.

The two most powerful sources of evil in this world must be 1) Studies and 2) Hormones.

Both are currently bringing me down hard.

Okay back to POM. No sleep until first chapter, planning 1 & 2 and leading is in my head, and controlling is read properly and drilled into my brain.

Serious.

I dont care if the sun comes up before I get to bed.

Blue Face Black Eyebags Red Blemishes

2010-08-29T01:36:00.003+08:00

Blue Face Black Eyebags Red Blemishes

Disclaimer: The more normal part of me says that this entry should be ignored.

Do I always get mood swings?

I dont know, but why does it feel more frequent now?

Im so far from menopause.

* * *

I'll say its mostly the exams thing that's getting to me.
And the revision that I have not really done at all.

I believe I've blogged before that when Casmine is added with Stress, I become the most hate-able person off the face of this earth.

One week left.

Today sucked very badly.

What a HORRIBLE saturday.

Went shopping and didnt get anything due to 2 factors :

1) not happy
2) crowds

And the not happy part was very badly worsened by someone not worth mentioning.

But I just need to say that my face may be so bad that it looks like its self-destructing.. or eroding itself or ROTTING, but still I wont give you that $138 for that facial.
If I had $138 to get rid of I'll gladly donate the whole thing than sign your facial packages.

My skin is terrible and peeling and my eyebags are reaching my chin.
And each and every part of what I am is so grossly imperfect but STOP BOTHERING ME.
SERIOUSLY LEAVE ME ALONE.

* * *

On a lighter note I bought freshlook illuminate and im going to try it tomorrow.

Tomorrow im going to dress nanny like.

I actually dont know what nannies look like, but its okay I'll go by my own definition.

Go away apprehensiveness.

* * *

I should be going to sleep now.
Doubt Im going to have sweet dreams.

I just feel lousy.

Plus everytime I go blog-window-shopping it shreds my self esteem to pieces.

Its like being freaking thin is the norm in this country and what I am is wrong.
I look at those legs that I will NEVER have,
And I continue to eat like the world is ending.

I can seriously say that whenever I look at my legs.. or my natural eyes for that matter, I wilt.

And when people actually point out what I already know is wrong with myself I just wilt 10 times worse.

There should be a button installed on my head.

The Dont-give-a-shit,-this-is-unimportant button.

And then another one that diminishes 10% of oversensitivity with each press.

* * *

I actually think im just tired.

Tomorrow Im going to study.
Im saying this in a very solemn way.
If I dont I will punish myself.

Yes Im very tired.
And tired people are just not happy at all.

Wherever my happiness went please come back to me.

2010-08-27T02:56:00.003+08:00

I Love You

More than you know ;)

In My Head, It Always Is Simple

2010-08-23T16:34:00.003+08:00

In My Head, It Always Is Simple

Things I did today: Heavy, heavy breakfast, lazed around till lunch. Ate as per normal. Lazed around a lot doing nothing. Current time is 4.39PM, have not studied. Applied some eyedrops, now I dont dare to swallow saliva because it's freaking bitter.

Things I did today that I am proud of: None.

Story of my life.

* * *

Recently I had a major blowout with myself day.

It was when I woke up to find my eyes at war with each other, and was forced to go out of the house with spectacles.

Every reflection blew my self esteem to pieces, I was one annoying shit of a person.

The world was ugly that day.

Then I recovered.
And I told myself I dont want to feel that way again, and I dont want to be annoying.

A voice in my head told me that should I continue to be so annoying, one day everyone who matters will walk out of my annoying world forever.

And so I smiled, and instead of cooking up more things in my head to mentally put myself down I cooked up new theories.

I've been meaning to type it out but somehow I feel typing it out turns it into a big joke.
Which it is not.

I told myself I just, generally, want to be a better person.
A nicer person.
Someone with more love for more things, even things like ex-girlfriends, which means less pangs of jealousy that will topple my entire day.
Someone less annoyingly immature.

I dont know how to continue.

I wanted to type out some of my annoying aspects to disgust myself into changing for the better, but there's so many I dont know where to start.

Except the jealous part, that one is really outstanding.

Twainai is the poor soul who's always on the receiving end of my verbal diarrhoea.
And I thank her for repeatedly preventing my mental breakdowns.

On a sidenote I should finish this lousy, going-nowhere post and study.

On second thoughts I dont want to talk about this anymore.
It's all good in my head.

Maybe my english just isnt good enough.
I cant say it like how it is in my head.

So its okay.

As long as I know.

* * *

I really want to lose weight.

And im not saying this in that hehe-just-for-fun way.
Im saying this in a brokenhearted way.

Maybe to some, I dont need to lose weight.

But I sure as hell WANT to.

And knowing that I have no self control whatsoever against food just makes me extremely sad.
I dont have self control to eat less, I dont have self discipline to study.
And I dont take tangible steps to overcome my extreme case of laziness either.

And all that more or less makes me a good for nothing, if you think about it.

See, I wake up with clear objectives.

Eat less, study hard.

What have I achieved?

None.

I even told myself casually that oh, I need to clear some of my smses today because my inbox is really full and I cant see the smses that I saved.

But no, I didnt do that either.

The only thing I would complete is that if I wake up and told myself I will take a nap today, then sure as hell I would take a nap.

What right have I to say I want to lose weight.

I barely move and eat like nobody's business.

Thinking about it is one thing, doing it is another.

And in my head, it always is simple.

* * *

Well, I dont know what to do with myself.

Maybe I should make a checklist.

As miserable and pessimistic this entry sounds, Im not really sad.

In fact, Im kind of looking forward to dinner because Im hungry.

When you disappoint yourself enough I guess it doesnt affect you quite so much anymore.

Purely Happy

2010-08-22T03:27:00.002+08:00

Purely Happy

:D

Im happy.

I thought I'll blog, but I guess not.

Its in my head and there it'll stay.

Im very happy. :D

HEH LA HEH

2010-08-21T02:08:00.008+08:00

HEH LA HEH

There will be no fancy pretty visual image inducing title today! And I shall just say what I want to say which is exactly what it is stated : HEH LA HEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its natural to not understand.

I FEEL LIKE BEING SELF OBSESSIVE NOW. CAN ANOT?

CANNOT AH? TOO BAD I WANT. Already put picture there to show self obsessiveness.

Hahahaha what shit am I talking I sound like a brat but actually I AM a brat so I suppose its fine to sound like one too isnt it AIYAH STOP RAMBLING.

Anyway I just bounced back from a bad mood! Not exactly bounced back but its not a bad mood anymore its more of a ... I dont know how to say it!

Some transition stage between a bad mood and a good mood :D

ITS AMAZING! I can piss myself off just typing in pink. Not that the colour of my font matters la, but.. you know.

EH IM NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE PISSED OFF. I wonder when I can stop being unnecessarily affected by UNIMPORTANT things.

Thats why I always say: Casmine ah casmine can you please grow up? Chao lao face then brains of a toddler cannot make it la. You know you will make people not happy also? IMMATURE.

( I did some research and Aquarians are not supposed to be green like, AT ALL. Maybe there's something *else* wrong with me alongside all the other things that are already wrong with me. )

Notice I am typing in a very lousy crappy way?

YA! I LIKE.

I am supposed to do econs today but I failed. I dont think an explanation is necessary for my lack of action. Afterall its ECONS and I am casmine and these two just dont go. And that is enough reason to watch cinderella 3 instead of do econs.

I am eating a lot nowadays. My mum told me I cannot go on like this or else when I get old and my digestion power goes down down down then my size goes up up up and then my world ends before my eyes.

Anyway I want my waist to lose one more inch to 22inches, in the morning when I wake up and have not taken any food, that is.

SO YES! IM GOING TO SPEND MORE TIME STUDYING ( = good grades ) AND LESS TIME STUFFING MY FACE ( = lose weight ) .
Win win!!!!!!!!!!

Ahahaha like real easier said than done.

Thats like saying Ohmygod I HATE playing the computer I HATE going on facebook I HATE going shopping I HATE ice cream I only LOVE STUDYING ECONOMICS.

Yup.

Maybe its karma for being mean and not being a nice enough person and not being an angel or something but my gastric has started up a while ago and is steadily getting stronger.

Gastric is absolutely terrible. *solemn*

Sigh I dont see the point of this post at all I am just posting because of my funny mood. Its not a bad mood I swear its just funny.

Hmm what else do I want to ramble about.

I think like no more already. This is just the ultimate singlish post la can. Hahahahaha!

Sigh sorry im such an idiot sometimes. Or most of the time. Or all the time WHATEVER LA GOODNIGHT HEH HEH.

On a non-insane last note I am actually just being stupid. I had a good day with the special person I missed (and still miss) .

Note to Self

2010-08-19T01:52:00.000+08:00

Note to Self

I Was Bored

2010-08-17T09:44:00.003+08:00

I Was Bored

With lots of time to spare in the morning before I go out .

And so I went into zilian mode.

And was quite amazed at my terrible unruly hair so Im posting it here.

This is how my hair looks like when I just rolled out of bed.

It was combed with my fingers so you can imagine how it looked like before it was combed by the said fingers.

Other than that, yes, this is my hair.

HAHAHA and this is after combing and hair serum.

Dont you dare tell me no difference!

And yes and yes and yes, my left eye looks like it's just been punched.

BUT YOU ARE WRONG.

In actual fact, BOTH my eyes look like they've just been punched.

It's just the strong sunlight that hides the bags of the other eye.

Anyway my point is that I live on hair serum (among other things) .

Mmm yes..

THE END.

A Sparkly Heart

2010-08-12T01:19:00.004+08:00

A Sparkly Heart

Have you ever felt your heart sparkle?

Have you ever thought that hearts could sparkle?

Have you ever been so happy you see rainbows in ordinary things?

Have you ever seen the stars in someone else's eyes?

Have you ever had something that is hard to talk about, because it's so special that it can only be felt?

.
.
.

I have.

2010-08-09T03:56:00.002+08:00

I am great.

I opened the bathroom door with the wrong hand today, caught my finger's flesh on the door thingy and ripped the skin off my finger with one mighty pull.

... who wins?

And I cant find my box of doraemon plasters.

2010-08-07T19:52:00.002+08:00

NIGHTFALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

O Appetite, Stay With Me

2010-08-04T14:05:00.004+08:00

O Appetite, Stay With Me

Hehe.

". . . . . . . . . . . CASMINE. . . Where are you now. I'm going right over to strangle you."
-Funniest sms of the day

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH SERIOUSLY.

When I saw it I LOL-ed until I nearly ROFL-ed.

But its probably only funny to me so its normal if you find yourself not laughing.
Not that you have no sense of humour, of course.

Moving on!

Appetites!

They are funny things.

I remember almost everyday I would be starving in morning class, paying close to no attention just actively considering in my head what to eat for break/lunch.
Which normally would be hot dog roll.

Food is my lifelong love and its always on my mind, no matter when.

But yesterday was funny.

Yesterday I felt no hunger.
I wore a (cute) I heart cupcakes top but nope, no sign of any craving for cupcakes either.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I CANNOT FINISH EATING MY HOT DOG ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even when faced with a pathetic cold chicken pie, I would gobble it up.

But yesterday I had a perfectly fine, beautiful hot dog roll and I couldnt finish it!
IT WENT INTO THE BIN.

And I didnt have anything else to eat until around 7.30 at night.
Just a lot of water.

EVEN AT 7.30 I WASNT HUNGRY.
I seriously wasnt.

Just thirsty so I drank more water.

And then I realised my abnormal behaviour and got scared.
So I quickly had a small portion of VERY NOT NICE CAI TAO KUEH.

This is followed by the obligatory banana because my mum is always saying there is no such thing as too much dietary fibre.
That's like saying there's no wrong in shitting too often, so dont listen to her.

I absolutely refused to eat the KFC my dad bought home.

And I had a small bowl of bittergourd soup because I felt so unhealthy, and bittergourd, being green, made me feel better.

Plus there was a bit of egg and minced meat in the soup so

OH MY GOD.

I JUST TYPED SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH AND FINISHED THE POST .

BUT IT WAS ONLY SAVED UNTIL THE PART BEFORE OH MY GOD.

I AM MAD I SERIOUSLY AM.

SHIT YOU STUPID CONNECTION AND I WILL JUST LEAVE THIS POST AS IT IS I AM FUMING.

I'VE GOT LOTS TO DO , DAMMIT.

* * *

"我们也容易忘记旧歌学新歌
受过伤还是有爱的资格~"

Punctures

2010-08-02T22:20:00.004+08:00

Punctures

"Everybody's going to hurt you; you just have to find the ones worth getting hurt for."
- dont know who, sorry.

Here I sit, with millions of things running through my head and nothing coming out on this blank space.

It's time, again, to make new theories of my own for myself to believe in.

For once, I didnt believe.
For once, it sounded more obligatory.

* * *

Today I sat on the bus and missed my stop simply because I didnt feel like moving.
Today I had more than 5hours to reconnect with.. myself.
Today I bought a ton of things that should have been bought in a chirpy, floaty, excited mood.
Today my shoulder dislocated from its socket because of my overweight bag and shopping.
Today Gua made me laugh a lot.
Today I ranted.
Today my appetite wasnt what it used to be.
Today I bought a pretty dress.
Today, what a day.

I wish I wasnt so much of a mood-oriented, feeling-controlled person.

Because then it holds you prisoner to your own emotions.

I have found the legal issue posed to the court, the only issue, in fact.
The only difference is that there is no final verdict of the judge.

Nothing is really going to change no matter how much I think.

I dont know if my dramatic mind is over-dramatising matters and collapsing me.
I hope it is.
I hope a lot of things.

Forgetting is not getting over.

Anyway I shut things out.
Shut the uncertain voices.

I will dedicate my time to doing what I want to do.
And I will put the whole of my battered heart into it.
(: with smiles and thought.

Happy thought.

Dont know what'll happen, but isnt that the whole point anyway ;)

My horoscope today:

You just cant let yourself get all that worked up over nothing--things are going pretty well, despite today's seeming setbacks. Its less than it appears to be, so keep smiling and wait for the upside.

:D

I Am A Lousy Nail Cutter

2010-08-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

I Am A Lousy Nail Cutter

Im brimming over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With lots of things.

Anyway, she really irks me but you'll never know because I'll never tell.

ehfoiehfoihefoiofehefoebfobefhpfheofjoiefehfiowhoefjfopfdpfjsjfiojfisjfpodsnosbfowfboiwfoijnoi

Oh My Tian

2010-07-30T21:56:00.002+08:00

Oh My Tian

Today is the coldest day ever.

I never suffered in cold for so long. My nails were really purple, and my hands were the palest white with underlying purple lines.

ITS THE KIND OF COLD THAT RADIATES FROM WITHIN.

Its like even your heart is shivering.

* * *

Anyway went to Cedele today and visited Gua! :D

Had spicy roasted mushroom garlic aglio olio megaawesomecandiewth pasta :D
ITS SOOOOOO NICE!!!
BUT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LITTLE that i can devour another serving without a problem.

Brownie with ice cream was heavenly as usual. :D

Then poor lonely me went to borders and read about birthdays and CANNIBALS until my mum finally came and picked me up for facial !

Porcelain the Face Spa :D

I think its the loveliest facial place.
The people are REALLY SO NICE.
like really, COMPLETELY none of that hardselling BUYOURPACKAGEORWEEATYOU kind of rubbish.

First trial at $38 is so so affordable!

I really want to buy their cleanser and this essence thing, but together its like more than a hundred.
And also the tinted sunblock the therapist was talking about.

I think I'll work and buy it with my pay :D
Really want it! And i know mum wont buy it.

EXTRACTION HURTS LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

Maybe its too long since I last had anything extracted from my face, but when I opened my eyes halfway through the extraction I was crying and I didnt even realise.
YES ITS THAT PAINFUL.

Everytime she squeezed my face its like shes squeezing the life out of me.

After it ended I fell asleep out of relief LOL.

And when I woke up my face was frozen in place under a really hard mask so I continued to sleep, mildly worried that the hard mask will rip out my eyebrows and eyelashes but it didnt happen hehe.

After it was done I looked at my face and I look terrible.

I still look terrible now I hope it gets better soon!

This nice lady spoke to me after the facial and shes like the nicest person in the world :D
AHHHHHH I WANT THE PRODUCTS AND SO I WILL WORK. *determined*

I feel rather sad washing away my facial goodness with my ordinary cleanser but oh well.

AHHHH NEED TO PEE BYE.

... Food. I want. Badly.

2010-07-28T19:36:00.002+08:00

... Food. I Want. Badly.

Tomorrow is the big presentation day.

After tomorrow, I can fly.

But what's the point of being so free if I dont have wireless at all and I have to use the lousy desktop which somehow is very against msn messenger?

Im really sad.

And I've been craving soup soup and more soup nowadays.
I want to eat korean kimchi soupy noodles or something for EVERY MEAL.

Specifically, I want to go to United Square's food court, korean stall and have their kimchi ramen because its especially choking and it thrills me, its so yummyyyyy, in a different style from instant noodles. T_T I want it now.

AND I MISS DELIFRANCE.

I WANT DELIFRANCE.

I want my potato gratin!!!
I hate that all the outlets are closed except for those in hospitals.
But for delifrance of course going to hospitals is no hassle.

AND THE VEGGIE SOUP.
They have a veggie soup thats made of veggies imported straight from heaven.
I can drink it forever everyday if it werent overpriced when bought separately.

I once had 2 bowls in one day and that day was the happiest day of my life. *pathetic person*

Sigh. I dont know why I wasnt just born a pig.
Whats the point of putting me in disguise?
Not that people cant see through it anyway.

2010-07-26T02:32:00.003+08:00

I just look unhealthy.

I look pasty and sunken and I look like I dont sleep.
I look like I eat junk food to go on with life.
I look like I dont drink water and never uses conditioner.
I look like shit.

I just had my ( not very nice ) bowl of instant mee and that's it.
No more instant mee for another 2 weeks at least.
My hair is practically thinning every minute of my life from all that MSG.

Casmine yeo please.
No more junk food, no sugar filled soda drinks.
Less fried fatty foods.

When was the last time you had fruit?
Can you even remember?
What's wrong with you.

I wish stress wouldnt write itself all over my appearance.
But it does and it does so very obviously.
I can mug for a night and age the day after.

Its not even about slimming down anymore.
Its not about skipping dinner, or wanting to be 45kg or have a 23 inch waistline.
ITS NOT EVEN ABOUT SLIMMING DOWN MY LOWER BODY, WHICH HAD BEEN MY CHILDHOOD DREAM EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED FULL LENGTH MIRRORS.

Its about not looking unhealthy.

Its about not looking at myself and thinking "Man, this girl's gonna die."

Maybe I should exercise just a little?
No stop laughing.
Im not laughing at all.

Im not saying I'll only eat healthy gross food.
Im just saying Im not going to eat those foods that will OBVIOUSLY kill you when consumed in large quantities.

Its not about how much I eat, its about what I eat.

On a lighter note Im never going to stop eating ice cream, okay?

Sigh.

Bubble Blower

2010-07-25T02:47:00.002+08:00

Bubble Blower

I know it sounds like some neopet item.
I think it IS a neopet item .

But no, im talking about my nose.

Life sucks when soap gets in your nose.
Especially when its A LOT of soap.

I bought a new facial scrub today!
Because all that dead skin is pissing me off!

And Im always excited to shower when I have new shower products.
Today my excitement proved fatal.

I must have not been thinking when I squeezed the foam, because I squeezed 4 times more than necessary.
And I mean A LOT A LOT A LOT.

And being stupid and slow I just smashed the whole pile on my face and started washing.
It was terrible it was like smashing cake batter on your face.

So with my eyes closed I washed half of it off and expertly used the remaining.
Except I put too much water and it all went up my nose.

TERRIBLE.

For the rest of the shower I was blowing bubbles out of my nose.
I mean like, breathe, exhale, oh lookie a bubble from my nose.
Maybe I'll lose my sense of smell.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ):

I also kind of tasted the soap wth.

After washing my nose out many many times and sneezing a gazillion times after that I felt fine.

My nose looks all raw now.
There doesnt seem to be any dead skin because its so... scrubbed, and thus I think the facial wash did its job.

I just hope I dont get a breakout ( CHOY ), or that my nose starts peeling tomorrow.

Or tomorrow's post will be titled : LIFE SUCKS WHEN YOUR NOSE PEELS.

On a slightly brighter note I bought eye masks today!
SIAO ONE. One pair for $2.
Is it just that Im kiamsiap?

BUT $2 FOR A PAIR OF JELLY LEH.

And i bought 2 pairs.
Because one is for eye bags and the other for eye circles.

Im going to use the eye bags one later.

It breaks my heart very badly everytime people look at me and exclaim : WAH YOU NEVER SLEEP AR .

): Cry already.

But anyway :D

I went shopping today :D
And bombed my mum's money supply.
Wth money supply. I sound like an economist-to-be, stop it casmine yeo that is nauseating.

Hmm but I love everything :D
I bought a strawberry dress yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :D

Hmm didnt get my shoes and slippers and whatnot though.

Ahhh okay!
I dont know what to say!

So im going to watch my Mulan II that got cut off when my neighbour's wireless disappeared suddenly this afternoon.
AND DIDNT REAPPEAR, EVEN NOW.

:@

Life sucks when your neighbour switches off the wireless.

Oh but im happy! :D *schizophrenia alert wth*

Precious

2010-07-24T02:50:00.003+08:00

Precious

I think precious is such a pretty word. :D

MY WEEKENDS ARE HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

And its Friday night yo, the night for staying up and doing nothing.

But there's something wrong with me.
I cant get myself full. I keep eating but I cannot be full.
IM SO GODDAMN HUNGRY NOW.

With all my willpower I turned away from instant noodles and brushed my teeth with a broken heart.

Wanted to type.. type.. type.
Stay up later.
BUT NO I CANNOT DO IT.
IM TOO HUNGRY.

So im going to sleep and maybe I'll be able to wake up in time for Doraemon tomorrow morning!

:D Happy I am.

I have so much going on in my head but I cannot be bothered to share, so goodnight~ :D teehee!

这个辽阔世界不够完美
但有了你在我身边什么都很OK~

Yellowing Love Letters

2010-07-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

Yellowing Love Letters

Just now I read my parents' love letters!!!!

HAHAHHAAHAHAHAH ITS SO HILARIOUS.

But sweet all the same :D

And I found my baby photo awww I was adorable.

AND IN THE SHOWER, I MADE ANOTHER LIFE CHANGING DECISION WTH.

GOODNIGHT. Its always the showers.

2010-07-20T01:54:00.000+08:00

I've never been so thankful for sleep.

Even if its just 3 hours.

Out With The Blue, In With The Pink!

2010-07-18T22:24:00.002+08:00

Out With The Blue, In With The Pink!

你大大的勇敢保护着我
我小小的关怀喋喋不休
感谢我们一起走了那么久
又再一次回到凉凉深秋

给你我的手像温柔野兽
把自由交给草原的辽阔
我们小手拉大手一起郊游
今天别想太多

* * *

:D

I feel like a million sunflowers just blossomed in my heart!

I spring-cleaned my head.
I made new theories for myself to believe in.

Not gonna think and mess up my newly tidy mind!

Im happy. :D

It's Always About You

2010-07-18T02:28:00.003+08:00

It's Always About You

Well I probably should blog properly. (:

Have been spouting out rubbishy posts.

Actually I should be chionging my schoolwork now.

Econs project is due Tuesday, and my group's progress is laughable.
Whoo, I dont think I've ever been so damn unprepared.
All I did so far was to draw a table and put in Brazil's rate of inflation for the past five years.

Now tell me what Im gonna do.

Its okay if its only econs, but then by tomorrow night I have to prepare my share of Lcomm presentation.
And I dont even know what Im supposed to do, I have not looked at it.

And at 2.30AM, Sunday, what is clever casmine doing?
Blogging!

Hah clever casmine.
I remember in primary school there was once we were supposed to put an adjective in front of our own names that has the same first letter, and I said Clever Casmine.
Siao one like really, I should have said Craphead Casmine except that I was like 10 and didnt know the term craphead yet.

Anyway I just finished my bath and Im super proud of myself.
Because I showered the whole hour thinking that no one was out there to accompany me.
There was, though, my maid and my mum both were there.

BUT THATS NOT THE POINT.
I went through the shower thinking nobody was there ( And I washed my face too! Didnt back out like last time* ) AND THAT MAKES ME COURAGEOUS.

*Im not filthy, I backed out of washing my face last time because I felt so scared I can actually just go into a panic attack. When I came out I used 2 clean and clear facial wet tissues ok!

I watched my first horror movie in dunnohowmany years.
I never watched one again after I am Legend.
The zombies there traumatised me for life.
Everytime I say this people will go "But thats not even horror!" ):

I watched the blood pledge, and all the way it was the same classic scaring method of creepy music as warning, then BOM! Scary ghost face and shrill screamssssssssssssssssssss.
Throughout the movie it was like that.

Okay but I was freaked out all the same.

It freaked me out at first, then it made me cry.
Wth? But I love touching happy endings.

I wasnt supposed to cry that much.
But I think it was the relief that the movie is finally over, and that all my friends were looking at me ( "EH SHES CRYING!!" ) that made me cry 2 times more.

Now back to talking about school.
I am sorry Im so boring, I have no life outside of schoolwork, its school and school and school.
I feel so dull and boring I may turn into a maths textbook.

Would I rather sit through 5 of the scariest movies or have 2 times more projects to chiong?
... seriously I choose projects.

I think when I was born I left my guts in the womb.
I have no such thing, I freak out at everything and am absolutely lousy.

But its ok.
*showers love on myself and self-hug*

After tuesday next week, I think my days will get slightly brighter.
I dont know how im going to make it.
But I know somehow I will.

I will get very close to death trying to make it, but somehow or other I'll make it.

Econs has always been a huge burden.
I swear, the very word makes me sad.

* * *

I've been feeling weird and bothered.

I just cannot decide if its a big deal at all.

How would you feel if I punctured your heart?

* * *

On a lighter note, Marina bay sands hotel is beautiful !

And happy birthday Seetoh Wei Jian! :D
Wth he is 21 !
My kiddy playmate who has the orange digimon* tee I will never forget is freaking 21 !

*Okay I think its actually pokemon. Then he took a picture in the pokemon shirt WITH a huge digimon statue. Are those things even called statues?

I basically did nothing today.
Got thrown out of bed early morning by my mum, got ready in record time and lazed around in the hotel for the rest of the day, eating and sleeping and eating again.

Its like a luxurious pig sty.

I dont really know what to say now.

I took out my dress just now, took a look at it and danced around with it for a bit.
Felt a little wistful.
Will things be how I want it to be?

Well..

Its 3 now. :D
I've been talking to myself for quite a while.
Now i'll go bury myself in my assigned case.

Casmine Yeo v Weird Feelings.

Traces of Her

2010-07-16T22:15:00.005+08:00

Traces of Her

Its Friday.

I should actually be overjoyed but Im only okay-okay.

23rd time playing Under The Surface.

Not over it.

Is it true you can look deep into a person's eyes and see what the heart says?

Hmm well.. update after my bath.

Way way way after bath -

In the shower I let my mind wander.

And I realised my weekend will just be jam packed with all the stuff I need to do for school next week.

I wanted to come out and take a look at all I have to do and freak myself out a little.
But I couldnt bring myself to be so cruel on a friday night.

By the way, I will never watch a horror movie again.
I hate the aftermath.
I can stand watching it there, if you force me to I can even, maybe, remove my hands from my face.

But after that Im a huge wreck.
Im so paranoid, I cannot shower or brush my teeth in peace, you have no idea how terrible it feels to be afflicted with paranoia that is so bad.

School's been hard.
It's starting to show, Im crumbling.

School may be the most undesirable aspect of my life..
but even then it cant get me down as badly as some of other issues.

I've ranted, spectulated, wondered, thought.. everything.

Sigh.

Im divided into two opposing halves.

Im too tired, bye.

The Saltwater Room

2010-07-13T19:43:00.002+08:00

The Saltwater Room

Time together is just never quite enough

When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?

We need time, only time~

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of ?

If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?

All the time, all the time~

* * *

School.

It robs you of your ability to cheer yourself up.

Toughie under construction.

I Want

2010-07-11T21:08:00.003+08:00

I Want

I want big tees with cute prints.

I want casual dresses like the one twainai gave me.

I want la I dont have clothes to wear I may have to wear a box to school.

UPDATE :

Actually I think Im overly dramatic and I exaggerate everything.

And my brain does that on its own.

And so when any little unexpected task crashed on me, my brain registers it as ULTIMATE DISASTER regardless of what it is.

And I get all upset.

Just saying!

I Pray To The Chocolate Chip Cookie Goddess

2010-07-10T14:52:00.003+08:00

I Pray To The Chocolate Chip Cookie Goddess

UPDATE: Yuck fml.

Im going to cut my hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITHOUT MY LUCKY STAR GOING WITH ME!

Im going to chop off maybe 2.5-3inches off the back and trim my side fringe to eyebrows.

And Im wearing the cute blue dress my lucky star gave me, maybe that'll help.

I love dressy, thank you lucky star :D

*pray*

Under The Surface

2010-07-09T18:41:00.003+08:00

Under The Surface

Marit Larsen

It's such a funny sensation to be
So happy that you wanna die
Promises always were crazy to me
But never was I so surprised

Minutes are longer when we are apart
Your presence's more than I can handle
It's come to the point where I wonder if I
Could ever be luckier
When
Suddenly

Im back at the core
Thinking of her
Who had you before
Were you as good
As good as we are
Do you remember?

Did you love her
The way you love me
Is there a chance
That there might be
Traces of her
That you carry
Under the surface

Lend me your ears
I would like to confess
Im doubting that you can be real
By your side wearing a beautiful dress
I celebrate how good it feels

Say that you love me
Say that it's true
I know that I want to believe you
But somehow
Silence speaks louder than words
Im worried she's still on your mind

Suddenly Im back at the core
Thinking of her
Who had you before
Were you as good
As good as we are
Do you remember?

Did you love her
The way you love me
Is there a chance
That there might be
Traces of her
That you carry
Under the surface

Mmm I know that Im selfish
I know that it's bad
I know, but it's driving me mad
It's driving me mad

Suddenly Im back at the core
Thinking of her
Who had you before
Were you as good
As good as we are
Do you remember?

Did you love her
The way you love me
Is there a chance
That there might be
Traces of her
That you carry
Under the surface

Under the surface
Under the surface

* * *

Love~ :D

2010-07-08T23:19:00.001+08:00

I dont really know if there's anything to do by tomorrow.

But if there is, sorry and best of luck to me.

I cannot take it anymore and at 11.20PM , CASMINE YEO IS OFFICIALLY GOING TO LALALAND.

DAMN HAPPY PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU XING FU DE GAN JUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Tear Is The Heart's Answer

2010-07-04T04:44:00.002+08:00

A Tear Is The Heart's Answer

(: & the best feeling in the world is when you feel like you're loved.

It feels like the warmest hug and the sweetest ice cream!

* * *

Hmm ill and staying up makes people delusional.

I can still smell durian the smell never goes.
Gross ):

I had stomach bloats just now, my tummy swelled very huge and its the most painful thing.
You cant stand straight.

Hmm I feel like sleeping, very very tired even after shower.
But yet I dont feel like sleeping!

Well its going on 5am, like it or not I'll have to get my butt off to bed.

Random note :

Some shopkeeper said my pink dolphin handphone strap is super cute today!
I think so too. ^^

-end random note-

Mmm feel like crap.
But Im happy :D

There are always things that'll bring you smiles even if you feel grey.

Im a little delirious now I'd better go to lalaland :D
Goodnight lovelies.

Damn Durians

2010-07-03T23:22:00.002+08:00

Damn Durians

What a day.

Firstly, I didnt cut my hair.

Heatwave screwed up. Sorry, but i thought making an appointment meant not having to wait.
You didnt let me change to an earlier time, so I came at the scheduled time and have to wait half an hour more?

Bullshit.

So I didnt cut my hair because it must be some sign that they will ruin my hair.

So haircut and facial next week :D
For now I'm just going to have to be like this.

I hate durians forever.

Im not going to eat durians ever again.

I wasnt in a very healthy state before I ate the durians.
And after durians now Im ill.

Awesome or what.
ILL. LIKE AGAIN.
I was ill not long ago.

My throat feels like its eroding itself.
Im having massive internal burps.

And that means no karaoke tomorrow because of durians.

And Im going to feel like shit for my sore throat to develop into an inside-cough ( which is hell I think about it Im going to cry T_T ) , then inside cough to a full blown cough, and then for the full blown cough to recover.

All for some spiky fruits that arent even yummy in the first place.

So upsetting.

Im going to finish up my cheesecake and face my fate.

RANDOM - Hair and Face

2010-07-03T14:15:00.002+08:00

RANDOM - Hair and Face

Sometimes I look at my mirror reflection and feel emotionally depressed and dont feel like going out ever again to face people other than my sweet un-judgemental family members.

Just saying!

Im having my pre-period breakout and its really bad.

I have 5 pimples on the right side of my forehead and my whole bare face just looks sick.

You know, I dont really like anything physical about myself.

But YEAH. Im not unhappy now Im JUST SAYING.

Im going out in a bit to get a haircut, probably a 2.5 inch off the back and a shorter fringe.

Then next week, after my pre-period breakout ( hopefully! ) I will go book myself a facial to deep clean my face.

I mean, if you feel that you're absolutely disgusting I think you should try and salvage the situation a little, no?

YAY I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELLLLLLL YO I love everyone, pimples and all. :D

RANDOM - Hen

2010-07-03T12:20:00.003+08:00

RANDOM - Hen

Why do hens have such short legs?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

Because they have to lay eggs, if their legs are too long the eggs will fall and break.

WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My dad just told me this.

And its true, thats why giraffes cannot lay eggs.

RANDOM - Milk

2010-07-03T11:40:00.001+08:00

RANDOM - Milk

I SWEAR.

I CANNOT STAND THE SMELL OF MILK.
THOSE MILKPOWDER+WATER HOT MILK.

THATS FREAKING DISGUSTING IM GOING TO THROW UP THE BREAKFAST THAT I DIDNT EAT YET.

I Wont Say I'm In Love

2010-07-01T18:09:00.002+08:00

I Wont Say I'm In Love

Disney Hercules!!! :D

Meg : If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history Been there, done that

Muses : Who'd you think you're kidding
He's the Earth and Heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey we can see right through you
Girl, you cant conceal it
We know how you feel and who you're thinking of

Meg : No chance, no way
I wont say it , no , no

Muses : You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it , uh oh

Meg : Its too cliche
I wont say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learnt its lesson
It feel so good when you start out
My head is screaming
Get a grip girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh~

Muses : You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby we're not buying
Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When you gonna own up
That you've got got got it bad

Meg : No chance , no way
I wont say it no , no

Muses : Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love~

Meg : This scene wont play
I wont say I'm in love

Muses : You're doing flips
Read our lips
You're in love

Meg : You're way off base
I wont say it
Get off my case
I wont say it

Muses : Girl dont be proud
Its okay, you're in love

Meg : Ohh~
At least out loud
I wont say I'm in
Love~

Win Already Lor

2010-07-01T02:17:00.004+08:00

Win Already Lor

UPDATE 2 : OH.MY.GOD. 1 Minute before 3am I figured out IF Function too. If I took the effort earlier I would have been able to sleep so much more. Im a dumbass BUT I KNOW VLOOKUP AND IF FUNCTION WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHAHAHAH

UPDATE : I TOOK 15 MINUTES AND NOW I SUDDENLY KNOW HOW TO DO VLOOKUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL MY VERSION I DONT KNOW IF ITS CORRECT BUT WHATEVER I FIGURED IT OUT MYSELF OMG!!!!! Clever righttttt CSAMINE IS ME.

I dont know why I stayed up.

After my shower I stalked a lot of people on facebook, laughed at nothing, looked at my own photos and sibeh buay tahan, changed my display name to show how buay tahan I am at my own face and body and hair, DID EVERYTHING JUST TO AVOID OPENING THE EXCEL BOOK.

Now at 2:18 I still dont know what is IF function and Vlookup or how to use them at all. Let alone charts which im not going to care anymore because charts are STUPID.

you know what's more stupid?
The person ranting to herself now.

Talking about charts remind me.
WHY, WHY DO THEY CALL PIE CHARTS, PIE CHARTS?

Pie is a heavenly blessing.
Charts are not.
And mixing pies and charts together doesnt make it any better.

Just saying.

I cannot do CSA.
Just now I even considered for a long while whether or not to wear my specs to school tomorrow, because then maybe I can deceive myself that im super good at computers and excel is chicken feet because I look like a giant study worm.

But why would I go create an irony ( and joke ) of myself.

Im doing absolutely anything but face the book.
I even felt my thumbdrive to see whether its very warm ( its not ) .

I think I should stop taking pictures altogether somehow.
Or maybe its just the mood im in.

But im not unhappy!
I dont even know what I am rahhh.

... replaying song for 7th time.

Wow i moved and my bones cracked in 4 places!! ( Both hands, left knee, somewhere around the hip where I didnt know I had bones )

I think watching a video of myself grow fat is less torturing than attending school!
... ok sorry both are torturing hehe.

...8th time replaying same song.

Im going to type for 2 minutes more just because I need something to do, and then at 2:30 I'll read notes for half an hour and then go to bed!

See, im organised in a way right.

Do you know how badly I want this week to be over?
Its been horrible!!! Like wow-horrible.

Casmine casmine casmine...
You failed CSA midterms do you want to fail this too?

Or maybe i really should change my name to a typo ( CSAMINE ) then I might just get smarter computer wise.

The other day I didnt know what a desktop was.

And Im studying Computer Systems and Applications.

Life's great.

Dear Diary

2010-06-27T16:01:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary

M2M

Dear Diary
Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didnt know how to behave
What to say or do
I was so confused

Dear Diary
I wanna talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But I already see
The way he feels for me

What can I do
Tell me
What can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way
How can my feelings
Be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

Dear Diary
He wrote some letters on his hand
It wasnt hard to understand
I figured Im part of his plans
But now Im in his heart
I dont know where to start

What can I do
Tell me
What can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way
How can my feelings
Be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

You're my secret hiding place
Where my private thoughts are safe
And just one look and he will see
What's inside of me

What can I do
Tell me
What can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way
How can my feelings
Be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

What can I do
Tell me
What can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way
How can my feelings
Be so hard to show when
I really want him to know

Dear Diary~

Sad Chocolate Smile

2010-06-26T13:38:00.004+08:00

Sad Chocolate Smile

Good saturday afternoon (:

This blog had been so dead so I decided to update anyhow since I've got nothing better to do anyway.

No actually, I have tons of things to do but I just refuse to do it.

Taken like, 10 minutes ago :

In specs, sacrifice on my part wth.

Isnt she lovely though (:

* * *

I had a big chunk of chocolate and it smeared all over my face.

I dont know why whenever I eat chocolate it stains weird parts of me like my arms and legs, or a faraway part of my cheek.

Should I go out?

I feel so dreary.

* * *

Hours ago I came to a decision Im going to keep.

(Y) ^^ And I know what to do now! Slightly happy ~

Not going to give up on anything anything anything at all.

Take it on like a sumo would.

* * *

Dont know what to say.

Im going to finish up on what I love to do, though it may stress me a little.

I love Bibi's paw.

为什么今天是星期天？！？！？！？！

2010-06-20T12:23:00.003+08:00

为什么今天是星期天？！？！？！？！

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dramatic wails and pulls at hair in a maniac way*

Well well well Im here to talk nonsense again, not that I feel like talking nonsense but because I look at my less than half done excel project and feel like dying ( and no one's talking to me either T_T ) *sad loner*

2weeks feel like 2 days in the holidays, and 2 weeks feel like 2 years during the school term.

I switch moods quickly sometimes so its really weird.

Especially when faced with school crisis matters.

I feel like im utterly defeated and dead and I have not much to say for myself anymore.
Which in short is actually called emoing.

But when people talk to me, I feel like they regret doing so when Im emoing.
Theres only so much you can say to an emoing half zombie.
And then I feel like Im being very annoying, because school crisis matters happen every other day.

Then I switch from zombie to slightly mad.
Which is when you're so screwed that you laugh .
Its happier.
But at the same time it's also really exhausting.

School kills, but doesnt entirely kill .
It leaves you with enough life left to be miserable while dying.

Sure that IS a very negative view, but I feel like I can be positive about everything else other than school and stuff related to school.

I woke up early today to do my work, but I ended up playing anyway.
After this blog post after this blog post *chants*

* * *

Well then recent matters!

Hmm...

I had a very interesting girly talk with twainai yesterday.
Reread it today and laughed very loud.

-random note-

Oh god my hair keeps dropping!!!
IS IT BECAUSE I DIDNT WASH MY HAIR YESTERDAY?!!?!?

eheheheheh dont judge me , its rare I dont wash my hair.
I feel extremely uncomfortable without my full 1 hr shower ritual but sometimes my laziness overpowers it all.

I swear if somehow someone were to extract the power of laziness from me, it will be so powerful it can take over the world.

Note to self : Please shower early today in preparation for tomorrow and get your armour ready. If all else fails ... Okay I dont even know what to do when all else fails.

-end random note-

One fine day someone said something that made me feel very unspecial.

The feeling of unspecialness should have an actual word because it is all very real.

It is also not related to jealousy.
And no! THAT WASNT DEFENSIVE.

But well .. whatever.
*neutral attitude in check*

Hmm let me think of something else random to say.

OH AND HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!
Did you get presents for your dad? :D

.. I didnt.

hehehe.

Because Im jailed for this weekend, by myself.
For school.

Somehow I'll make it up to him!

* * *

I dont like it that my mind and heart arent very good friends and dont communicate very often.

* * *

... I feel that I am so weird.

I wanted to put it down in words I cant.

So forget it! :D

Im sure it'll all make sense to me someday.
But will it make sense in time?

hmmmmmmmmmmm.

ROAR I DONT KNOW MYSELF *bares teeth in fierce way*

This has to be the most pointless entry in the world.

Look what happens when you blog for nothing, simply because you want to escape something.

(N)

The Magic Is In Being Happy

2010-06-15T01:31:00.005+08:00

The Magic Is In Being Happy

UPDATE : Wth wth wth wth wth my nose, as if not blemished enough, is now also PEELING. *claps*

So! :D

Hello :D

Someone said I've not been blogging, and yes I have not been blogging because I have lost all love for expressing myself on a space that barely anybody's visiting.

But Im here again, firstly because I just uploaded new pictures and felt like posting them, and secondly because although its late and I stink, I refuse to take a shower because Im a gross slug. Teehee haha.

Anyway pictures, before I start to talk nonsense . :D

See my legs?

LIE!

<>

They are 1.5 times fatter.

AND MY GOAL WILL BE TO ACTUALLY LOOK AS SLIM AS THAT.

Which isnt very slim.

Woes of a chubby.

Curls curls curls.

With a curler I cannot afford.

Yes I do look older ( like I've not aged enough as it is ) , but curls can be fun.

But well the curler is freaking $179, and I told the person I will come back to find her but sorry lor I wont.

If i come back maybe it'll be to steal from her stall.

Hehehehehehehe but it's me, so 101% will kena caught, better not.

Curls curls curls.

With the comfyest top in the world.

The helmet head.

My head is so huge its a wonder the helmet fits.

What was I doing with a helmet anyway? WAHAHA DONT TELL YOU.

I have more pictures, including one of my drop dead gorgeous bestie but I accidentally closed the whole window so you're stuck with my face! :D

Sweetheart's in China now ):

* * *

I've been happy.

I still am. Happy, I mean.

BUT I DONT WANT SCHOOL TO START.

It shouldn't start, school is the source of all evil on earth I swear it.

It's like this secret ploy to deprive students of happiness so we all grow up to be mentally warped robots who recite mathematical formulas everyday for no apparent reason.

AND FUN WILL CEASE TO EXIST .

AND NOBODY WILL EAT OR SELL ICE CREAM ANYMORE

And then the world will end and regenerate.

Like I said the world will only end with we run out of ice cream.

... what was I saying.

Oh school.

So yes, half my short holidays are gone, and then another term starts in which I might have to work a little harder...

Okay no, I MUST work harder.

Because at the end of the term and study break there will be exams, heavier than the mid terms which I already screwed up down upside down.

And this I cannot mess up at all.

And by the time those exams ends I will probably age till I look 30.

Not that I mean any offence to 30 year olds, but girls of 17 looking like women of 30..

Something's not right.

Actually Im not feeling as bad about the exams as I am about the new term and project deadlines.

Simply because the exams are still relatively far away, and I dont feel the fear until they're much nearer ( and by that time its too late ) .

I should stop talking about school before blogger gets pissed with me.

Probably everything in this world will get pissed when school is mentioned.

Other things hmm.

Well Gua's birthday is coming up!

So is the court visit.

And I have nothing to wear.

I cannot imagine myself in formal office wear either.

It'll be a huge joke.

Especially when I start talking nonsense.

Today I tried on my mum's white long sleeved office top, and I looked sick.

Man shoulders, too long sleeves, I looked like a pigeon actually.

That is if pigeons had man shoulders.

.. Its not fair only men should have man shoulders what are those doing on me.

Somehow in some way through a lot of distress I expect, I'll get this settled so I'll stop talking about this.

I am happy!

And this sentence hereby contradicts all the chunks I have just typed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

But I am!!!

I wonder about happy things and the happiness spreads like magic.

Everything sad can happen, but when you find the happy trigger ( there's always one, believe me on this ) there's no stopping the happy virus.

EPIDEMIC!!!!!!!!!

An epidemic that should happen globally.

Sometimes things in your head jumble in this huge mess of tangles that you cant.. untangle.

And then that happy triggers gets hidden inside!

But you should treat it like a clump of wonton mee.

You know, those that clumps into a ball and you either bite it like a fishball ( not shiok ) or stuff the whole clump in ( not humanly possible unless your mouth is amazingly huge ) .

SO WHAT DO YOU DO?

Eat it strand by strand la!

Sometimes you dont even need to have it strand by strand , 2-3 strands may come out at the same time if you fiddle with your chopsticks enough.

.. what was I saying wth.

Oh yeah.

Same with messy thoughts, you clear some space then you sort it one by one.

.. or two by two.

.. or three by three whatever.

And even if the mess is of an astronomical size you'll get it sorted!

I dont understand why Im talking about this.

Im not hungry either.

SO WELL!

One more week of heaven to prepare for war!

*fierce*

I had a super wonderful weekend too !

Hmm well well!

I probably should get to the bathroom before I fall asleep on the floor or something and stink all the way till tomorrow.

Be happy :D

If you arent happy try some ice cream.

Even though food doesnt taste very nice when you're upset, sometimes when the food is good enough ( ice cream , ALWAYS good unless its green tea from some unknown brand ) , your stomach will influence your brain.

Smiles can grow ! :D

GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Amazing Bullshit

2010-06-10T15:13:00.004+08:00

Amazing Bullshit

NOTE : Please dont take this post seriously. After reading it again I cant take myself seriously anymore wth hahahaha.

Sometimes it amazes me how trivial some things that piss me off can be.

It's like I get REALLY REALLY annoyed, but I think back at the source of annoyance and feel like Im just being horrible.
BUT the annoyance doesnt go away!

What kind of irritating symptom is this.

Just saying as an example, I dont like it when I found a nice conditioner that I love, and then it runs out and I have to use some other conditioner that will make my hair less nice than it is with the loved-conditioner.

See?
People who see this will make a face and go "UGH? What kind of a stupid freak is this?"

And I also dont like it when singers I dislike with a strong passion sings a nice song AND ruin it.

And people who see this will make another face and go "DOUBLEUGH. What kind of a doubly stupid freak is this?"

But anyway.

Im just bored.
I dont really mean what I said Im just anyhow bombing like how I anyhow bombed all my mid sem tests.
Its like since the start of this year, all I've been doing is anyhow bombing.

Dont know this thing that's due tomorrow in class?
Stress out, then bomb it.

Project's due?
Freak out, then bomb it.

Mid terms?
Just Bombed It.

I think Im in this mood because Gua just told me CSA project ( which is individual disguised as group work ) is due on the first day of school and all I can do is to laugh nervously and contemplate suicide.

I dont know what I'll do about it .
Most likely bomb it.
But now I dont even know how to bomb it.

Okay I dont want to talk about school now.
A term and I've had enough shit from there.
I think the world should come up with something for people who are just NOT made for school.

JUST CANT DO SCHOOL.
CANT TAKE SCHOOL
AND CANT STAND SCHOOL.

Teeheehee.

Okay I just lost all mood for blogging.
I cant blog nowadays I just fill this space with so much unhappiness!

Ahhhh oh dear.

BYE :D

A Chunk of Heart

2010-06-08T04:40:00.003+08:00

A Chunk of Heart

<3

Its been so long since I last blogged.

Its the start of June now.

June, July, August, September, October, November, December.

Ah~

Im so tired I can barely think.
Yet, I want to wonder.
Im too scared to get to sleep anyway.

Things.. things.

Who really know how things will turn out to become?

(:

Smiles.. smiles.

Cant you feel?

Smiley Face With A Star

2010-05-26T15:58:00.002+08:00

Smiley Face With A Star

Im happy now, despite anything and everything. (:

Dreaming, hoping, wishing.

<3

The Dark Passes, Then What Awaits?

2010-05-21T21:17:00.003+08:00

The Dark Passes, Then What Awaits?

I like to think that because the darkest week of 2010 ended, things will start getting brighter from here.

Everyone likes to think that, determine that on a certain day the dark passes.

But does it really?

I hardly dare to think about what's going to descend on me in the near future.
This week, I think something in me just fell away.

I wont call myself a momentary pessimist.
Im not sitting around thinking the worst of what will happen in the next few weeks and mourning before they come.

Mostly, Im just wondering.
Wondering is very common for me. It always happens.
I wonder about this, about that, then about this again for a few million more times.

It may or may not be important at all.

Wondering is not thinking, by the way.
I am very very convinced that thinking does utmost harm to emotional health.

This week's been really tough on me.
Or maybe you may think Im just another weakling.

Work.. work.. more work.
Getting 3+ hours of sleep practically the whole week.

Getting up at 6am, going home at 6pm.
Going to bed at 2am, waking up at 6am.

And work piles on.
Some of which i am COMPLETELY clueless about.

And when I say clueless, I MEAN clueless.
As clueless as a toddler being lectured on current affairs.
Well if you know me, you'll know what I mean.

I've been dead all week ; sleep deprived, behaving slightly out of the ordinary, not counting the regular really horrible moods that I go into over some things that shouldnt affect me as much as it did.

So exasperated I can actually cry from sheer exhaustion.

In such moods I develop ultra sensitivity.
The smallest things can send me flying into a completely different mood.
Its the worst thing in the world, Im almost bipolar, and I feel how annoying I am being to those around me but I cannot help it anyway.

Things feel different, people feel different.
But I cant tell ; is it just me being different?
Some things even start to hurt.

With the work, with the moods, with the people.
I haven't snapped yet.

Things come that make me wonder.
Things happen that shock me out of my wits.
Things change, or at least I feel so, that baffles me.
Things crumble and crashes down.
Things.. things.

The change I feel, is it imaginary?
I dont know what to think, and have no strength left to think anyway.
When people bring frowns upon you, do they realise?
Does it matter?

How different, how frightening.

* * *

Today is Friday, and I managed to scrape through my work and return home in bliss.

I needed this, to vent.
Although even I myself would possibly not know what im talking about.

What would really be wonderful, is to be able to find a clear patch of blue skies and white clouds to sit under, and just wonder.

I'm so tired, in more ways than one.

But Im not going to let myself waste away any longer.
Im not bringing shame to the term Toughie.

I may not know, people may not tell, I may not be as strong as I would like to be, people may change, niceness may evaporate, joy may become hard to find..
and a thousand other little things.

But that's okay, because that's what I'll conquer.

With happiness tattooed across my face.

All On Me

2010-05-19T20:07:00.002+08:00

All On Me

Things.. things.

What happens when amount of events and thoughts overwhelms your brain capacity?

Not going to kid, today was a really bad day.
I dont remember feeling so badly in the whole of 2010, or maybe that could just be my memory defect.

It feels like years since I had a sufficient good night's sleep.
It feels like centuries since I had a nap.

What do you do when all you did was stand in your spot, and things just crumble down on you like nobody's business?

What do you do when your heart stops communicating with you and your brain shuts down?

You can never really blame any other person for your misery.
Even if you do it's not going to help make it any better.
Pile it on yourself, make a checklist.

What's wrong with yourself?

& I wonder.
I wonder about lots of things.

If things could just be simple, then smiles would never fade away.

None of this is making any sense to me.

I hope you're happy.

2010-05-18T00:01:00.003+08:00

Nowadays I find it hard to put how I feel and what goes on into words.

Maybe that's what fatigue and lack of sleep does to people.

Or maybe its just me.

What happens when you want to share, but can find no solace in words because they just dont come?

Well you'd better hug yourself miserably and turn back to your shitty tutorials.

Of Shiny Noses & Sparkly Eyes

2010-05-14T00:49:00.003+08:00

Of Shiny Noses & Sparkly Eyes

uh huh you are right! :D

The title is absolutely senseless! :D

Im wonderfully happy now, im blogging on Poipoi, thanks to my awesome neighbour who gave us access to his wireless network thingy.

Today is a funny day, but a happy day I would say!

Even though its like Thursday and its supposed to suck badly.

Im sooooooooooo sleepy now !

I think I have lots and lots and lots to blog about but I cant think !

So yup!

Lets all feel awesome :D

TOMORROW'S FRIDAY, no reason to sulk! :D

2010-05-12T08:35:00.001+08:00

F.M.L

Update -

Okay, I survived today, but barely.

From last night to this morning was a mess of frazzled thoughts and flustered decisions, I dont think I've felt worse in a long time .

And it amounted to a big fat nothing in the class I wasted half my life away for.

Its not that Im not relieved the class was nothing much, it just made me feel really dumb.
Nevertheless Im proud of myself, ok?

But you can actually be proud of yourself and die at the same time.

Have not eaten anything today, bloody recordbreaking for someone like me, its like 4pm?

The worst thing that can happen to you when you're in my place, is that your computer freaking breaks down as and when it likes.

As im typing this it may go out and never come back to life .
And my wireless refuses to be detected.

Fml again.

I dont know what to say anymore I feel like death.

I have the worst cramps, 3 hours of sleep, no food and am close to a mental breakdown.
Lcomm is taking over the world and its NOT a good thing.
Why is school like this ):

I dont know when's the next time I will be here again, so yeah.

Im going to stuff my face now, bye.

OH OH .
On second thoughts I can post tmr again, in CSA!
Wth lol.

Those Three Little Words

2010-05-09T02:27:00.000+08:00

Those Three Little Words

I am happy!

1,2,3.. BOM You've Passed Out

2010-05-02T03:53:00.003+08:00

1,2,3.. BOM You've Passed Out

You know things are getting bad when you cant roll around/lie down on something comfortable without passing out within seconds and being dead to the world for at least 2 hours.

No wait, judging from what happened just now, it doesnt even have to be something COMFORTABLE.
Well unless the floor is comfortable to you.

Its been 2 weeks since school started, and school is the universal cure for insomnia.

I used to not be able to sleep just because.
Insomnia just happens on and off.

But now, it doesnt happen.
It'll probably never happen again.
Once I hit the pillow I pass out.

I wont even use the term FALL ASLEEP.
Because fall asleep just makes you think of a person peacefully slipping into slumber, which is NOT what im trying to portray.

What Im trying to say is simply HIT PILLOW >>> DIE.
Yes its very simple.

Yesterday I came home to duck rice waiting for me.
I made the unfortunate decision to leap on my mother's bed and roll around before eating.

Before I knew it, I opened my eyes and it was 8pm.
4 hours of nap I couldnt even feel.
You know sometimes you take a nap too long and you wake up feeling .. napped?

I didnt even feel napped.
I just felt like I closed my eyes to give them a little rest, then opened them again and time played a cruel joke on me.

Just now I had nothing to do.
But I didnt want to shower.
So I cushioned my head and lay on the floor because its nice and cold.

It was 1AM.

I blinked, and it was 3AM.
And I have not showered.
Feels like the biggest champion in the world just then.

My mum had even put a blankie over me and everything.

You know there's a kind of sleep that feels like a half slumber?
Like you're just only half asleep, and this usually results in crankiness the next morning.

This is also another phenomenon that will never happen again.

I lie down and Im just dead to the world.
And I keep using DEAD TO THE WORLD because it is terribly true.

I told Gua that if I lie down on TP's overhead bridge I can sleep.
Which can happen if things get too bad.

Wow.
Im screwed.
I've lost many hours out of my precious 24 per day because somehow in between I died and didnt come back to life for a while.

But yeah.
I've made my point.

Im all clean now though and Im happy :D
I know I can lie down and die again as and when I like but I dont feel much like it.
I hope nobody wakes up anytime soon.

And .. yes. School started and everything but I dont feel like talking about that either.
Well well well.

Im still quite happy :D
Or maybe Im just still at the woah-amazed stage.

Muffin Full Of Happy

2010-04-23T18:56:00.005+08:00

Muffin Full Of Happy

Im feeling all buttery melty sweet inside now. :D

Like a freshly baked chocolate muffin, or a huge melty cookie.

After school, which was good today, I looked at the other pack of new cookies inside my bag and suddenly thought of ahma!
So I went on a random visit to give her the cookies :D

I love my ahma house!
I lived there when I was small, so I clearly remember everything: how I would stand on the sofa and look at the big tree of sin ming road and the yellow birds that always flies by.
And of course the old fridge that I would open and peer into a few million times a day until I finally can find something to eat.
I used to think chicken stock were candy too.

That was way back then, when I wasnt even tall enough to reach the freezer.

Anyway, my ahma looked so happy! :D
We sat in her room and watched her old shows till I fell asleep on her bed.
Being the pig that I am, of course I slept for ages.

Hey! I woke up at 8 today and thats .. quite a feat.

When I finally did wake up, my ahma cooked Mee Hoon Kway for me! :D

One of the most wonderful things in the world is my ahma's mee hoon kway.
I ate it practically every single morning in my kindergarden days, and I love how each kway is fluffy and fat, like a bowl of cream coloured clouds in my bowl that I can eat.
What can be happier than eating clouds?

Was so happy!!!
Not only was there food waiting for me, it was MEE HOON KWAY!
Love in food form.

I would always remember a ton of things from the past when I go to ahma's house. (:
My great grandma is also the sweetest.
Although she doesnt remember me now, and keeps asking same questions over and over.
But she would still hug me back when I hug her ! :D

:D Im happy today.

Sparkles In Moonlight

2010-04-23T01:33:00.002+08:00

Sparkles In Moonlight

Today's a happyable day. :D

Im feeling floaty strange now.
You know, like you're viewing everything with sparkle-tinted lenses.

I cant decide whether this is the Green Pumpkin mood or not.
But I guess not.
Green pumpkin NEVER has sparkles.

I like the title.
If it wasnt for the title this post would be deleted because I actually have no idea what to blog.

Ahh well need to sleep and have a sparkly dream, goodnight!

Will Not Go To School Without Breakfast Again

2010-04-21T15:47:00.002+08:00

Will Not Go To School Without Breakfast Again

Today is .. hmmm.

MY STOMACH GROWLED THE WHOLE WAY.
OUT LOUD SOMETIMES.
REALLY QUITE LOUD.
SUPER.PAISEH.WTH.

And Im not even feeling hungry its just that my stomach has a mind of its own.

I seriously wasnt THAT hungry enough to deserve so much stomach noise.

Honestly, my stomach is a spoilt brat.

MUSHROOM GATHERING :D

Anyway I really dont like LCOMM .
Monday I thought it was okay, wednesday I thought otherwise.

Im so not used to thinking I couldnt do anything.

What is communication what I know about law blah blah blah I dont know i dont know.
AND theres homework.
AND my thoughts are all shallow, if there is ANY thought in the first place.
AND Im almost like incapable of intelligent thought.

AND IM SLEEPY.

Oh gosh what am i going to do.

Everythings going to be okay okay okay.
Why? Because Im a superhero ok?
Okokokokokokokokok.

Yes, communication can happen with only one person .
Its happening now.

Communicating with myself in text form.

Oh god that's all I can do.
Take random stuff from lessons and convert them to nonsense and talk to myself.

Oh gosh what am i going to do.

Everything's going to be okay okay okay.

You realise that I just typed the same thing i did a few seconds ago?
):

LATER, AFTER MY NAP ( V.IMPT. ) I will attempt my homework.
Promise.

I promise it on my dinner.

So far I only had 1 meal so thats a HUGE deal ok!!!

Im so tired.

POM is dry.
But I actually preferred that lecture to Lcomm tutorial.
A year back I wouldnt have ever expected these terms to appear on my blog.

And by the way nobody should ever call Principles of Management as Principles of Management anymore.
Because we should all call it POM.

POM LEH!
SO CUTE! HAHAHAHAHA.

" what are you having now? "
" Im having POM! "

HAHAHA.

Okay I think lack of sleep brings on a bout of a slight loss in sanity.
Naptime! :D
And Im going to read myself a bedtime story ! :D

School Starts Tomorrow, I Am Mad.

2010-04-18T21:22:00.003+08:00

School Starts Tomorrow. I Am Mad.

I have no calves.

I have 4 thighs.

Everyday is fatday.

And on top of that now it has to be a schoolday + fatday.

I cannot help but have school, but Im going to do something about the fat part.

Its been long since I had any calves.

Strong Like Sumo HARHAR!

2010-04-15T00:16:00.002+08:00

Strong Like Sumo HARHAR!

HARHAR always makes me think of sumos! Thats why im going to HARHARHAR more often now hahahaha.

Sorry i mean HARHARHARHAR.

Sumos are very strong!
I dont know if sumos are happy people but strong you cannot deny.

And we shall be like sumos : STRONG!

Even though theirs is physical but strong is strong !

I got to sleep, I've got camp tomorrow.

And I actually am quite miserable to the point where I cannot get more sad and it just bounces to weirdly hyper.

And so here I am, talking about sumos.

But im not nonsensical, so its all sense and truth okay!

Everyone should be happy. :D

Dear Soap, Please Foam Nicely

2010-04-11T04:27:00.002+08:00

Dear Soap, Please Foam Nicely

I just had the most unsatisfactory shower because my soap wont foam properly.

And so I had to wash my face twice and that spoils things and I just dont feel like Im clean.

Even though I took an hour as usual.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weird pet peeve but super peeved still.

Am Blogging Because Hair Is Tickling My Face

2010-04-10T04:20:00.004+08:00

Am Blogging Because Hair Is Tickling My Face

WARNING : This is another nonsense blogpost so wtf-ed that nonsensical is not severe enough to describe it.

It is really annoying.

I am really bored.

Why else would I suddenly blog a new blogpost talking about how my hair is tickling my face?
My face damn itchy.
I really dislike non-foamy facial foams.
Because if you're not foamy please dont flatter yourself and call yourself a foam.
Stupid people may just take you seriously and waste money.

Woah woah I am really bored.

And not too cheery.
Cherry tomatoes are more cheery than me.
And do you know eating just 3 small cherry tomatoes a day will give you your sufficient daily intake of vitamin dontknowwhat,IthinkitsC ?
Thats really cool.

You know, its rather upsetting how much of a pig I am.
Pig is a commonly used term for people of all sorts.
You sleep a bit more than you should, you call yourself a pig.
You eat a little more, you call yourself a pig.
Someone teases you, you call him a pig.

I think the term pig should be given more importance.
Stop calling yourself a pig unless you are like me : a REAL pig in mud.

I was about to go into all sorts of sordid details on why I am a REAL pig and people who abuse the term pig are just imitations but I am lazy and lost inspiration .
So yeah, just believe me without any reason because Im the real pig.

School is starting very soon.
I dont want it to, can you please tell school to not open?

Is that it?
My ultra long holiday is gone forever I'll never have it again.
Im old now.
I have to do oldpeople things.

When all I want to do is to sit down and eat cookies till I die.
Why cannot?

See?
Unconsciously I revealed one huge reason why Im the REAL pig.

I failed in my mission of cooking.
I wanted to be sweet and nice and make bentos because I feel thats what sweet and nice people do.
Too bad Im a real pig and this resulted in ultimate failure.
I will continue this in June because I will be FORCED to.

June's going to be tough.
My maid's going home for a long long time and being a real pig my house is going to fall apart.
Today I also found out that my mum has no confidence in me whatsoever.

At first she wanted me to help her clean the floor with the magicclean thingys.
You know, the ones that look so easy to use.
Then she told me she decided against it because I will use up the sheets in 2 days and will ask my brother to do it instead.

Then she asked me to cook!
Which is good!
3 seconds later she said no, we should tapao.

2 reasons of hers which DOES NOT REPRESENT THE TRUTH.

1) I wake up at 1PM so go figure when breakfast will be ready.
2) The breakfast will suck and mummy's little boy will suffer.

Mum proceeded to let out a long,loud horse laugh.

Not amused at all. Not funny.
Though I laughed too.

Im bored. I really am.

Im going to die because I have not gotten any of the things I promised myself to get for poly.
I even made a list a long long time ago.
Dont know where the list is, but looking at it will make me sad anyway.

I wish people will stop being sad because it is bad for health.
Do you know why being sad is bad for health?

It just is. Take my word for it.

You know what else is bad for health?
According to mum, sleeping late.

And guess what?

Its almost 5.
I guess im unhealthy.
Although Im not sad.

Are you sad?
If you are, stop being sad.
Happy is better than sad.

Do you know why?
Sad has 3 letters.
Happy has 5 letters.

5 > 3

And therefore

Happy > Sad

... ok i know what you're thinking about my mental health at this point of time.
I dont sound very normal right now.

But sometimes seriously, why would you want to be normal anyway?
Join the weird club. Its fun here.

Food for thought.

I think Gua asked me " How crappy can you get? " just now.
I think this post answers her question.

Goodnight, the sun will rise soon wth.

Pink Vaio Named PoiPoi

2010-04-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

Pink Vaio Named PoiPoi

DO NOT BASH MY NAME GIVING SKILLS.

I like weird names can anot!

And I really think Pupu is an adorable name and thus so is POIPOI!

I have my pink vaio now, and being someone whose electrical-luck is REALLY bad, meaning that my computers and shit all have a lot of problems, I figured that maybe naming it will improve our mutual affection!

Now, Im in J8's mos burger blogging on PoiPoi! And lovinggggggggggggg it!
PoiPoi is a girlgirl.

Why PoiPoi?
Because she's pink, and thus has to have a name starting with P.
And the letters 'O' and 'I' are just beside it .. so yup!

Im buying a new dress for Poipoi too!
It is pink with white polka dots and a HUGE white bow!!!
If that cant make a laptop love me, I dont know what would.
Im also going to buy lots of cute popup stickers to stick on her .

YAY!

I dont know what to say anymore Im quite aware I sound rather crazed.

BUT IM HAPPY SO THERE.
Never had a pretty laptop in my life .
Since I burned, literally BURNED my last laptop my mum is quite worried about Poipoi's safety.

But Im all maternal now!
And im buying clothes (laptop sleeve) and stickers and giving names so

OMG NO MORE BATTERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T_T. Bye and loves to Poipoi ! :D

The Camper Didnt Lose Weight

2010-04-09T03:38:00.005+08:00

The Camper Didnt Lose Weight

Heavily upsetting.

Ahhhh it feels like its been so long since I last logged in to talk nonsense.

What nonsense should I talk today!

Casmine Yeo went for CAMP.
CAMP and CASMINE does not go.

Actually a lot of things doesnt go with casmine.
Things like exercise, running, sports, balls, loufeng nachos ..

Yup.

But I went for camp for 3 days and ended up stinking like feet and
SURVIVED.
I survived camp.

Going to camp and not dying is a norm for most people but not me.
I didnt die and therefore deserve a medal or something.
Pink medal.

Shall I tell you a little smelly secret?
My feet stinks BAD.
It doesnt just stink but stink BAD.
I think the smelliest thing in TP would have to be either my shoe or my feet.

I washed it a thousand times over and finally it doesnt stink anymore!
JOY TO THE WORLD.
I never thought i'll be so happy to have a pair of feet that smells normal!

On the last day of camp I went home in shoes that used to be white, that had so much water absorbed in it and for some reason, THERES EVEN MUD.
Its no wonder my feet would stink !

I am a really shallow person I wanted to talk about camp, and ended up talking about feet for quite some time.

Okay so lets talk about weight.

I SHOULD HAVE LOST WEIGHT.
I REALLY SHOULD HAVE.

In camp I sweated more than I have for the last three months or so.
I poured out more than 3 months worth of sweat in 3 days and I didnt lose weight.
Wheres the logic in that?

After the first day of camp I stepped into the car and my mum said : "Wah you very smelly leh" so you understand.

And I didnt even binge-eat when I get home after camp!!!
I JUST HAD NORMAL DINNER !
And for the rest of the time in the day I was probably somewhere, RUNNING!!!!

I mourn my lack of weight loss sorrowfully.

Random note : I just had my 6th clorets mint. Entry may end up worse than nonsense. Shall put it away from greedy hands now.

.
.
.

Okay I had the serious intention of typing a recount of camp but that urge suddenly just went away.

SO ITS OKAY :D

FOW had been adventure-ful!
:D

AND THE CHEERS WONT STOP RINGING IN MY HEAD HAHA.

Mass dance is cute too ! Cute-cute. heh heh.
Though if clumsy people have 2 left feet, I have around 20.
Cannot even turn one round properly and super slow to figure out LEFT AND RIGHT.
Champion. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Feel quite sorry for my mass dance partners x)

OH.

Folken is super. :D
GLs are super too. :D

Drinking water after runningsweating games is SUPER HAHAHAHAHA.

OH OH.
And camp is the most tiring thing in the world if you have insomnia just go for one.
Yesterday I closed my eyes and fell dead and it wasnt even on my bed.

IT RHYMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *SPARKLE EYES*

.... Now I dont even feel like typing ANYTHING anymore.
Not that im not happy, I AM happy!

Since I didnt lose weight I went all out and ate to my heart's content today and it feels really gooddddddddddddd.
Laptop tomorrow! :D

Speaking of laptops!

I really Really REALLY wanted to buy my laptop from ......................................... Yup.
But FAIL.
Fail chamly.

Its okay its okay!
I shall eat ice cream to compensate!

YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE HOW GOOD PADDLEPOP AND MILK POCKYPOCKY TASTES AFTER CAMP. So delicious its GODLY.

Okay im weird so I dont know what to say anymore! :D

TEEHEE!

GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT !

Shall I tell you a little happy secret?
Im happy!

I Wouldn't

2010-03-31T23:44:00.005+08:00

I Wouldn't

I wouldn't.

And I do dislike how you think of me as such.

But I wouldn't argue.

I shan't.

I'll do it and prove it, because in the end that's what matters.

And I wouldn't bother

If I didnt love you.

* * *

Heh to make chiochio less uneasy we are both straight.

Sigh, ruins the profound tone.

2010-03-30T23:45:00.004+08:00

SADDEST SHIT IN THE WORLD IM NOT EVEN TITLING THIS.

FIRST I LOSE A CUTE BOWCLIP THAT I CLIPPED TO MY STUPID BAG.

THEN I LOSE A RIBBON PINNED TO THE BUTT POCKET OF MY SHORTS TODAY.
AND I DONT EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE ITS ON MY BUTT.

I AM SO SAD.

Oh and ..

I thought Im champion because I resisted chicken wings and technically didnt take dinner yesterday night.

But today I ate like a starved duck.

AND had 2 and a half oreos.

Oh well.

UPDATE -

Snow white says to sing a song when things go wrong.

Aw that rhymes. How cute.

):

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine

Oblivion

2010-03-28T02:02:00.003+08:00

NO NO NO NO NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO AWAY GREEN PUMPKIN GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT MY SPURT OF MADNESS BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STUPID PUMPKIN!

oh god i stink a little too much.

UPDATE -

I smell really good now.
And my new shampoo smells even better than the last one.
But all that no-frizz nonsense is pure bullshit because my hair still looks like crap.

ALTHOUGH IT SMELLS LIKE .. WOAHHHH~.

Okay you can probably see that im not really all that green pumpkined anymore.

You know why?

I dont know why.

But its a good thing because inevitably green pumpkin would lead to notveryhappyness.
Because sometimes you start to question yourself .

So this is love~ mmMMmmMMmm ~ sooo~this is loooveeee~

Now excuse me while I smell my hair to sleep.

My heart has wings~ mmMMmmMM~ And I can fly~