♥ Are You Happy Today? *(n

Wednesday, February 23, 2011Y

It's surprising sometimes, how the lack of care pulls your frown even deeper.

sometimes you just need someone to be there for you.

12:14 AM

Monday, February 21, 2011Y

Suddenly, I remembered a dream that I had numerous times as a kid.

Now Im older I realised that dream just simply about travelling and staying in a beautiful hotel.

I could still remember how gorgeous that room was.

Everything was in various shades of soft, pretty gold.

Luxurious bed and bathroom with a slight vintage touch.

But the main thing was the huge, ceiling to floor window.

If you draw open the heavy golden curtains, you can see the entire night landscape of the city, and a generous view of the starry night sky.

It isnt the beautiful natural landscapes like a sunflower field that I dream of now, but it's no less beautiful.

maybe someday I can live my dreams.

6:09 PM

Saturday, January 22, 2011Y

im just disappointed.

please just let me recover.

10:05 PM

Something's wrong with me today.

It's been a bad day.

I overthink, I upset myself.

I see things in a bad light.

I dont see the good things.

I feel like I wont ever be good enough.

Maybe its because im ill, and its progressively getting worse.

There's a monster living in my throat.

But Im going to wake up tomorrow as the happy person I know myself to be.

1:08 AM

Saturday, January 15, 2011Y

Often,

I dream of just sitting on the grass in a wide green field,

twirling flowers in my fingers

looking up at the clouds floating by..

and thinking of how beautiful life really is.

2:03 PM

Monday, January 10, 2011Y

Once, somebody said that Tumblr says what's in your heart.

And they were completely right.

* * *

I have school exceptionally early tomorrow, my hair is dripping wet, I have less than 6 hours to sleep and I have a blood red eye.

You take the eye away, and I wouldnt even grumble about the rest of the things.

I dont know why I must have some shit eyes.

Aside from being ugly, they also protest once in a while even though I feed them yummy eyedrops every other day.

I will willingly go to school even earlier than exceptionally early, wash my hair again and NOT towel dry and sacrifice all 6 hours of sleep just to have healthy eyes.

* * *

I feel dazed now, but I will not allow myself to think.

Back to tumblr.

There are things your mind cannot figure out sometimes, so if it's going to sink into your heart and darken it, stop trying.

12:28 AM

Monday, January 3, 2011Y

do you have any idea

HOW MUCH LIKE SHIT I FEEL RIGHT NOW?

ANY BLOODY IDEA AT ALL?

DO YOU KNOW WHATS SHIT?

I'LL TELL YOU WHATS SHIT.

SHIT IS SADNESS, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANGER, FRUSTRATION AND FATIGUE ALL MIXED IN ONE.

You think shit is just shit? I wish.

11:55 PM

Thursday, December 30, 2010Y

Trips to the Past

Trips to the Past

When you are stupid, and take trips into the not so distant past thinking whatever happened in the past just wouldnt affect you anymore, you'll find that you're wrong.

You'll find yourself so revolting, that sickening person was actually you.

You'll experience such intense fear of waking up the next morning living nightmares that happened in the past.

Why was I that person?

Everybody makes mistakes, but I think I made more than average.

Im not saying Im right, but am I all wrong?

I am deeply disturbed when I think about it, and my mind is obsessing.

The possibility of the repetition of such emotions scares me shitless.

There's a part of me that hasnt recovered, that is still very afraid of going through what I have been through.

Let's just say im not at peace right now.

But I now also understand the gift of the present.

We are never to live in the past.

But when you take unexpected short trips into it, it can still be one hell of an unnerving experience.

Im lost in my thoughts, so excuse me, and goodnight.

I'll only be able to be fully honest with one who loves me enough to not judge me for anything.

Im not one to claim of being completely non-judgemental.

But when you love, you dont even have to try.

3:43 AM

Monday, December 13, 2010Y

I hate to believe it..

but sometimes it really seems, that one cant be too happy.

Because something will just come to balance it out.

6:18 PM

Sunday, December 12, 2010Y

I Hate Studying

I Hate Studying

Seriously. It drains all hope out of me.

I am so tired and after knocking my head on a nearby wall twice and falling off the table I have given up and officially have 1 day left to study Econs.

After showering I feel slightly better but I need to sleep.

Currently I dont have any eyes.

Im only blogging because my hair refuses to dry.

Anyway, I was imagining stuff in the bathroom (again) and I got so happy!

It's related to my after-exam activities and I know this isnt an appropriate time to squeal in overexcitement but I cannot help it.

It's just a short 2 weeks (I think) but its going to be a happy 2 weeks! :D

Really need to organise my plans properly or else, considering my horrible habit of procrastination everything's going to flop and Im going to cry.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh happy :D

Cant wait for exam week to be over :D :D :D

I ate like a PIG today and Im not supposed to be hungry until maybe tomorrow afternoon but my hunger now is not imagined.

Its not a hunger pang at all because Im having gastric.

WTH?!??!?!?! Bloody over demanding stomach seriously!

Better go to bed before it gets bad.

GOODNIGHT :D

I love my darling! :D

3:13 AM

Friday, December 10, 2010Y

Light Headed

Light Headed

Wow! I just saw a strand of my hair fly off my head and land on my lappy's screen.

I decided to blog today because I need to organise the mess of thoughts in my head.

So maybe you wont understand this post because its going to be in casmine language.

Ok!

My project is done, my homework for tomorrow is done.

Tomorrow's client interview, and i just need to get that over and done with.

Copying notes tomorrow, and then doing the rest of by psychology quizzes BY TOMORROW.

The weekend will be spent mugging hard for tort law and econs.

And maybe icekimo eating my favourite ice cream waffle (its really good).

And then its exam week!

Which will pass by painfully but rather fast, I trust.

AND EXAMS END!!! AND I'VE GOT PLANS!

First and foremost I need to cut my hair.

Its becoming really unsightly.

I NEED TO.
THIS IS A NEED.

I have a feeling its going to be really short after I do it.. but better.

I REALLY HOPE HARD.

Hair, you have one week to grow as fast as you can.

DO IT, OR I'LL DYE YOU AND YOU DIE.

And then its my shopping day!!!!

I need to get a pretty dress for christmas :D

Yes dress.

And shoes definitely.

And bags DEFINITELY.

And underwear. And im not kidding stop laughing Im serious Im going to buy new underwear.

And also, I need to buy *some* stuff to make *something*.

Which I cannot disclose ahem.

And also buy *something*.

Which I also cannot disclose ahem.

And I need to make my cruise fund box asap because my pay has come! :D

Though its a measly $59.50, its a start!

And I also need to do other small things like pluck my brows again and moisturize my scaly legs and blah.

AND I also need to prepare and brainstorm on some day which I also also cannot disclose !

HAHAHA. And I also want to go to the zoo with dar during this short break :D

I love my awesome darling :D

Okay I dont know what else Im going to do already :D

I think that's about it, the main stuff anyway ! :D

Before I go, may i just add that I really HATE this horror movie commercial with the quietly haunting music. EVERY TIME IT COMES ON I NEVER LOOK AT IT EVER, but it freaks me out so badly I get violent shivers.

HOW CAN A COMMERCIAL DO THAT TO ME?

I hate the music i really do. T_T

Okay goodnight everybody :D

Shoutout to Darling : Muahhh! I wished today at 11:11 for good luck for your exam tomorrow! Jiayou dardar I love you so much ^^

1:35 AM

Saturday, December 4, 2010Y

so upset, my heart could break.

9:57 PM

Wednesday, December 1, 2010Y

In Loving Memory of My Inbox

In Loving Memory of My Inbox

I dont think anybody really knows how utterly upset I am that my bloody idiot phone automatically deleted my whole inbox.

My inbox with messages from my darling I saved since dont know when.

I wasnt even half this upset when it deleted all my contacts... twice.

Im so devastated I can cry.

I didnt even get to read through them one last time.

Thinking of it breaks my heart, I miss my inbox.

7:41 PM

Monday, November 29, 2010Y

It's not what I didn't feel, It's what I didn't show

It's not what I didn't feel, It's what I didn't show

Hello!

Been quite long since I felt like blogging.

Weather's really nice and cold today I should shower and sleep early but no, Im still here sitting on my ass in the dress I wore to school.

Went shopping recently and was very very happy! :D
I WANT TO GO BACK .

I actually bought jeans Im really pleased with!
JEANS I CAN WEAR! With my weird hip and legs proportion all the jeans I try on shatter my self esteem but I found oneeeeeeeeee :)

And I bought shoes!
LIKE SHOES. Not slippers or flats or pumps but SHOES.
I dont have shoes!
Its blue with pink cherry/flower like thingys and its ultimate comfyness.

And several other things ^^
But I abit regret two things I bought. ):

school....

Mid terms are in two weeks its very scary ):

but christmas is soon! :D and dar's birthday is soon too, 20 year old boyboy.
He'll be 3 years older than me hehe.

Everything at school is popping up and its scaring me shitless.
Its like I go to school feeling all lighty and happy and when I reach school i discover a new deadline!

There was once I wanted to compile a list of things I need to do to myself (e.g. cut hair.. shopping, buy shoes, buy cardis, paint nails etc etc) , but before I could I realised I need to first make a list of things I need to chiong in school MAJOR FML.

Oh well I really need to cut my hair.
I hate it.
But its not long enough, if I chop now, I'll have short hair thats not long enough to cover my shoulders.
And I will just die of grief.

Its PMS time again.
And Im trying my hardest to not be affected!
Seriously, if my period wants to come, just come and leave my emotions alone.

I dont want my hormones to dictate my mood and cause unhappiness all around me!
The best thing to do is to keep your mood light, listen to happy songs, AND DO NOT THINK.
MOST IMPORTANT : DO NOT THINK.

At such times, every single thing that you think into will overcomplicate and affect you.

The only thing that you should think about is what you should eat.
THAT IS FOREVER HAPPY AND THATS GOOD! :D

Someone pushed you to the ground and you scrape your knee?
Eat a chocolate bar!

Someone calls you something you dont like (e.g. ahlian) ?
Make a mental note to have some cheesecake as dessert after dinner!

Someone gets mad at you for no reason?
Nothing much you can do about it actually, so have some cookies!

Someone ignores you?
Plan out dinner menu !

Someone steals your textbook/notes/whatever?
Plan out supper menu after dinner menu!

SKILLS OF A FOOD OPTIMIST!
( I will not take responsibility for your weight gain. I am suffering from it too )

Okay im just crapping!
Seriously, eating is not the way out to everything.

Not for me actually.
If you're like me, you wont be able to eat when you're unhappy.
Your throat locks up and theres an imaginary lump that just kills off your appetite entirely.

Im not the type of person who can binge eat when i am unhappy.

Eating is just a measure I take to prevent unhappiness before it comes (:
Its not a cure but a precautionary measure!

When things fail and you do feel down, even if you're the type who can binge-eat, you shouldnt anyway.
I dont believe it solves anything.

If its minor and you're just pmsing, just stop thinking.
I know, not as easy as it seems, but try anyway!
And smile because its hard to feel down when your face is smiling.

Why am I digressing anyway!

I hope I can always keep my mood bright :D

back to superficial things!!!

I wonder what I should wear tomorrow!
Should I wear my jeans just to break it in?

Should I wear rags?

Today is the start of a nice new week ( or so i hoped ) so i wore a new dress to start it off BUT somebody's lesson ruined it all! SO ANNOYING!!!

This is what caused me to think about wearing rags.

I cant explain the happiness of wearing something new on you (:
EVEN IF ITS ONLY SHOES.. or a new ring.

OH THAT REMINDS ME.

I have not bought my ridiculously priced ($17) disney bracelet from divaaaaaaa.
I dont know if I should ):
I mean, I love it but I dont want to spend that money.
And I dont know if its really worth it.. but its really pretty.

Ahhh~

Okay I am lazy to crap more (:
I've got work to do!

Found 1 microecons newspaper article!
ONE MORE TO GO ! :D

Go go go go meeeeeeeeeee! :D

AND JIAYOU TO EVERYONE!
Because everyone is fighting some kind of battle :D ( even if its just a should-i-buy-a-bracelet mental battle hehe )

* * *

It's funny how sometimes, people decide to do something, and do things in order for that something to be done, and then do other things that results in that something not being done.

hah.

8:56 PM

Friday, November 19, 2010Y

Heavy Smiles

Heavy Smiles

I despise myself sometimes.

To think I just posted a post on happiness?

Wasnt a good day today.

Best part besides having watched harry potter is probably sitting in a cold bus blasting horribly noisy, angry, I-wont-let-you-think songs in my ears at full volume.
Its strangely comforting.

I left home today solely for a 24minute lecture that proved to be more than unimportant: It was useless.

I think we're all naive to think that it'll be useful.

Like I was saying, I despise myself sometimes.

The most useless thing in the world are not 24minute lectures on nothing, it's being upset over things you cannot change.

That's not only useless, it's stupid, and I've acknowledged that long ago but still feel down anyway.

You know what's stupider?

The fact that those things are SO minor, minor is an understatement.
Like they say, words cant hurt you. Its only when the person saying that means something to you.
( saw that on tumblr again i love tumblr )

The fifth golden rule to happiness is so, so hard.

Being down.. it's draining.
Im so tired after I came home.

Im so obnoxious.

enough is enough.

Heavy smiles are tiring.

Not that I dont feel better.
Soon enough, I'll be good as new.
As always (:

Oh oh, and I actually found a term for "green pumpkin" (on tumblr).
Its called hypophrenia.

11:57 PM

Thursday, November 18, 2010Y

For Happiness

For Happiness

I really just want to be happy.

I see being happy as a kind of special power.
It's like being bestowed with the ability to spread around the happy virus.
Yawns and flus are contagious, and I believe, so is happiness.

I abuse the word "Happy" .
Even if Im drafting a practice legal letter and have to make up my own address I put it as "Happy road".

Such a simple word, such a little thing, and it's what everybody needs.

People do nice things when they're happy.
Imagine a day when everybody around you is happy.
How nice would that be?
Never fading smiles and continuous jolly laughter.

When Im happy, even the sky seems brighter.
Storm clouds can rain directly above my head and it couldnt wash my smiles away.
Things can go wrong, but it wouldnt take me long to fix it up when Im jolly, and then Im all smiles again.

I wish I can be that way everyday.
But everyone has bad days, dont they ):

I love tumblr, but I currently still dont really know how to start my own.
I saw on it the 5 golden rules of Happiness :

1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

(:

I like to think that I am generally a happyhappy person, albeit childish and weird (at times! I can be mature too) .

I dont know the objective of this post, but I'll like to post something about happiness since all I blog about is the act-profound stuff when I am in that philosopher-mood.

I wish I didnt have mood swings, and my happy days dont go away forever.

I wish that sometimes I wont get affected by little stupid things, and can keep smiling genuinely.

I just wish to be always happy.

I have a lot to be happy for, most people do (:
It's when you start thinking about the lovely things you have that you truly feel how lucky you are, and that being unhappy is just silly.

Smile, laugh, watch the stars come into your eyes (:

9:30 PM

Thursday, November 11, 2010Y

All That Used To Be

(:

Sometimes you get thinking when you have time to yourself.
Or when you're feeling like the only person in the world.

And sometimes you miss the little things that used to be.
Those little things that only belong in memories now.

Small things that might not seem to matter sometimes, funnily enough, matters the most.

Change is imminent.
Knowledge of that fact doesnt stop people from missing what was before the said change.

Take extra care to not neglect or overlook.
People always say, dont take for granted what you have, especially what you love.
We've been hearing that for years but when do we actually understand that?

Just random musings. (:

* * *

School days are passing quite fast, which is great.
Things that were bothering me are looking up too.

Which just proves it again that when you look at things in a brighter mood, they magically turn better.

Lots to do, lots I want to do, lots to say..
Just too weary.

So goodnight (:
I hope you'll be always, always happy.

10:45 PM

Saturday, November 6, 2010Y

MUNNEH

MUNNEH

I am dead.

Everything in the world needs money.

Which I dont have. Hoho.

I was about to make a list, a budget checklist you might say, but I skimmed over it in my head and its too depressing so I decided not to and take things as it goes.

RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:12 PM

Wednesday, November 3, 2010Y

Someday, somehow

You'll find somebody

Who'll step into your heart and never leave

Who'll step into your life and stay forever

Who'll melt away your frowns with a smile

Who'll make you feel like the most precious thing on earth

Who'll make you feel as if no words can ever describe how much love you have for him

Have you found that somebody?

11:49 PM

Anybody who reads this blog and doesnt know me will think Im the biggest pessimist and whiner in the world, forever feeling sorry for herself and feeling like a sad pile of shit.

But they dont know me so its okay.

But sometimes thats exactly what I am.

Sometimes I am that pessimistic whiner, sometimes I get that I-pity-myself phase, sometimes I am exactly that sad pile of shit.

Nothing except my own hormones are bothering me right now.

But whatever's bothering me is making me very mad at the whole world.

Ah, these are the times I wish im a boy.

I also wish I didnt have to wake up at 6am tomorrow.

I am so tired.

11:24 PM